If your child has been through a traumatic experience, as a parent, your foremost thought is probably restoring her sense of safety and emotional security. While these instincts are correct, it’s important to also understand that the aftermath of trauma is complex and often challenging to manage. Without a solid understanding of the many ways trauma can affect children, you may misinterpret your child’s behaviour and react with frustration or anxiety. You may also inadvertently take actions that impede your child’s recovery.
In the article below, we’ll discuss the nature of trauma, the way traumatic experiences impact child development, and the best ways to help your child recover:
What Is Trauma?
Trauma comes in many different forms, but it’s always marked by an intense emotional response to an event that is either extremely threatening or directly injurious (either physically or emotionally). Kids can be traumatized by events that happen to them and by events that happen to people very close to them, particularly their caregivers. In some cases, trauma is acute (caused by a single extreme event), but it can also be cumulative (caused by multiple events; e.g., repeated episodes of emotional abuse).
Though trauma is usually associated with abuse (physical, sexual, or emotional) or parental neglect, there are many other potential causes of this condition, such as:
- Being separated from parents/caregivers
- Enduring extreme poverty, such as chronic hunger or homelessness
- Being severely bullied
- Witnessing animal abuse
- Living through a natural disaster or accident
- Being placed in foster care
- Having a parent with addiction issues
How does Untreated Trauma Affect Kids?
Trauma is especially damaging to young brains. When a child experiences trauma, it overwhelms the brain’s ability to cope, which can profoundly disrupt the development of normal, healthy coping skills. Trauma also changes how kids perceive and respond to the world around them. Not all children react to trauma the same way, and some kids are more naturally resilient than others, but it’s common for traumatized kids to experience at least some long-term effects. These may include:
- The inability to control how their bodies react to stress (e.g., anxiety attacks).
- Numerous somatic complaints and an increased risk of certain medical conditions, such as obesity and diabetes.
- Difficulties with learning, memory, and concentration that are not related to a learning disability.
- Mental rigidity (problems switching from one thought, feeling, or activity to another).
- Impaired emotional regulation skills, such as poor impulse control and mood swings.
- Increased risk of anxiety, depression, and suicide.
- Relationship problems and difficulty forming attachments, even to caregivers.
- Inability to trust.
- Aggression issues.
- Increased risk of developing substance abuse disorder.
The impact of trauma is often strongly influenced by the following factors:
- Age. The younger a child is when he experiences trauma, the more vulnerable he is to developing long-term complications. Even infants can be affected by trauma, despite lacking clear memories of the event they experienced.
- How often the harmful event occurred. Multiple harmful events typically do more damage to the brain than single events.
- How the child perceived the event. Events that feel extremely threatening are more likely to leave a lasting impact.
- The child’s support network. Kids who have strong, positive relationships with their caregivers bounce back better than kids who lack a solid support structure. Not only do supported children feel more secure, they’ve generally been taught better coping skills.
- The child’s personality and level of physical and mental ability. Kids who are physically and mentally able, with a strong self-esteem and good coping skills, typically bounce back more quickly from damaging events. Children who are very sensitive, have a low self-esteem, or who are already dealing with physical or mental health issues, struggle more profoundly with trauma.
What are the Signs of Trauma?
Children who have been through a traumatic event aren’t always open about their experiences. They might stay quiet because they feel ashamed, because they’re scared of being punished, or because their abuser has threatened them into saying nothing. For this reason, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs that a child has been through a traumatic experience.
Kids often exhibit different symptoms of trauma depending on which age group they fall into, but there is some variability in this area: Trauma can cause kids to “regress,” meaning that an older child may display the symptoms and coping strategies of a much younger child. A child’s intelligence and the presence of learning or developmental disorders can also cause him to display symptoms that don’t align with his physical age.
Signs of Trauma in Kids Under 5
- Irritability (fussiness in infants).
- Jumpiness or being difficult to soothe.
- Tantrums that are very frequent and severe.
- Extreme separation anxiety/reluctance to explore.
- Unusually high or low energy levels.
- Repeatedly reenacting traumatic events during play.
- Developmental delays that cannot be otherwise explained.
Sign of Trauma in Kids Aged 6-12
- Attentional issues that are unrelated to another condition, such as ADHD.
- Being unusually quiet or withdrawn.
- Experiencing frequent episodes of sadness and/or crying.
- The child often expresses frightening or distressing ideas or feelings.
- There is a sudden and unexplained decline in the child’s academic performance.
- Difficulty switching between activities.
- Frequent fighting or being disruptive at school.
- Significant changes in the child’s eating or sleeping habits (that last longer than two weeks).
- Repeated somatic complaints, such as phantom headaches and stomach aches, that cannot be medically explained.
- Regression; e.g., the child begins to wet his bed, suck his thumb, or fear the dark again.
Signs of Trauma in Teens
- Denial (refusing to discuss what happened).
- Fixation (being unable to focus on anything other than the traumatic experience).
- Recurring, severe episodes of defiance.
- Fatigue, nightmares, and sleep changes (sleeping much more or much less than his peers).
- Engaging in risky behaviours, such as dangerous driving, unsafe sex, running away from home, breaking the law, self-harm, or substance use.
- Social withdrawal (refusing to spend time with friends).
- Aggressive behaviour, such as fighting.
These signs do not always indicate the presence of trauma; some of them can be confused with normal developmental challenges or the symptoms of other conditions. Trauma should be suspected when a child displays multiple symptoms over a long period of time, especially if caring, patient guidance is slow to alter his behaviour. However, only consulting a mental health professional can either confirm or rule out the presence of trauma.
It’s also important to be aware that the symptoms of trauma can overlap with those of mental illnesses, and experiencing trauma may increase your child’s risk of developing other mental health conditions. Research shows that children who have been through severe trauma are more likely to receive a diagnosis of ADHD, depression, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, or intermittent explosive disorder. In many cases, receiving professional treatment for trauma can lessen the severity of these conditions and prevent over-reliance on medication.
Understanding and Managing Behavioural Issues Related to Trauma
Trauma, particularly multiple traumatic events experienced over the span of months or years, can significantly alter your child’s physiology. When kids feel chronically threatened, their brains, bodies, and nervous systems become hyper-vigilant in an effort to keep them safe. Their “fight or flight” reflex becomes overly responsive, which may lead to a pattern of inappropriate aggression, defiance, and/or distrust, even in settings that don’t appear threatening to others. Traumatized kids may also dissociate from reality and therefore appear detached, numb, or aloof.
Because these behavioural adaptations develop over a long period of time, it takes a lot of practise, therapy, and guidance for traumatized kids to “unlearn” their maladaptive coping strategies. As a parent, the most important thing you can do is remain patient: Remember that your child’s difficult behaviour isn’t intentional; he’s just responding to situations the only way he knows how. Your job is to gently show him that he’s safe while reiterating that he isn’t a “bad” kid - he’s just had bad things happen to him.
Parents should also endeavor to learn and understand their child’s triggers. Kids become triggered when some aspect of a situation reminds them of the trauma they experienced, and this can occur even in situations that aren’t directly reminiscent of the original event. Certain sights, sounds (including tone of voice), smells, places, body language, and feelings can cause kids to relive traumatic events. When this happens, the child will usually revert to old coping patterns; e.g., he may go into fight mode (throwing tantrums, being defiant) or flight mode (running away, becoming unresponsive). Kids who have been triggered can’t control their reactions, so it's essential to remember that their responses are not intentional. They need reassurance, not discipline.
To identify your child’s triggers, watch for patterns in his behaviour: Does he consistently act out when you do or say something specific, or use a certain tone of voice? Does he seem very uncomfortable (or distracted) in certain environments or social settings, even though they’re not obviously threatening in nature?
Once you know what triggers your child, do your best to help him steer clear of distressing stimuli. You should never willingly expose your child to triggers, even in an attempt to show him they are not harmful, without professional guidance.
Some other important ways to help your child include:
1. Be available, both emotionally and physically.
It’s not uncommon for traumatized kids to push their caregivers away (and keep other helpful adults at a distance), but this doesn’t mean you can’t contribute to rebuilding your child’s sense of security. Your child will benefit from your reassuring presence if you provide gentle (non-obligating) attention, comfort, affection, and encouragement.
Conversely, some children (usually very young children) react to trauma by becoming intensely needy. If this happens, try to stay by your child as much as you realistically can, and draw on the support of another trusted adult when you can’t be there. Don’t push your child to become more independent before he feels ready to do so.
2. Don’t react to difficult behaviours.
Reacting to your child with anger, frustration, or anxiety can serve as a trigger. Instead, you should respond to him calmly in a soft voice, acknowledge his emotions, and provide reassurance. Never yell at an abused child or use physical punishment as a form of discipline.
When your child is calm, you can discuss his behaviour and set reasonable limits, as needed. You should also give your child more acceptable ways to express his intense feelings and praise him when he uses the methods you’ve suggested.
3. Be a supportive, accepting listener.
Listen to your child without interrupting him, without judging what he thinks or feels, and without minimizing his emotions. Allow him to explore any topic he needs to, even if it’s challenging or uncomfortable, and reassure him that his feelings are a normal response to what he went through. Remind him that what happened was not his fault, and that you aren’t upset with him.
4. Teach your child relaxation techniques.
Regularly listening to calming music, practising deep breathing, and meditating (for older kids) can help train your child’s nervous system out of a pattern of hyper-arousal. Repeating positive mantras (e.g., “I’m safe now,” or, “I’m with people who love me.”) can also be beneficial.
5. Provide a consistent routine for your child.
Make sure your child eats, sleeps, and completes tasks (such as chores and homework) according to a predictable schedule. Discuss upcoming changes and new experiences well ahead of time, so your child isn’t surprised or shocked by alterations in his routine.
6. Let your child make age-appropriate choices.
Making choices can help kids regain a sense of control over their life and surroundings. These choices can be as simple as asking a young child whether he wants to wear his red shirt or his blue shirt to school that day.
7. Give your child ways to improve his self-esteem.
Some of the best ways to boost your child’s self-esteem include helping him master a new skill, encouraging him to become more active in the community (e.g., through volunteering or activism), and assisting him in setting and achieving goals. Feeling helpful is also important: Simply doing chores around the home, for instance, can enhance kids’ self-esteem by giving them a way to contribute to their family’s well-being.
Seeking professional treatment is also an essential part of ensuring that your child makes a complete recovery from trauma. A therapist who has specific training in dealing with childhood trauma will address the root cause of your child’s emotional and behavioural issues and create an effective strategy for healing. He or she can also give you insight into precisely what’s driving your child’s actions and feelings, thereby helping you depersonalize his behaviour and respond appropriately. By working together with your child’s therapist, you can create the supportive, nurturing environment your child needs to overcome trauma and live a full, satisfying life.
