Help Your Child Develop These 10 Core Components Of Self-Esteem

Helping your child to build healthy self-esteem is one of the most important objectives for parents. Self-esteem is the core of a healthy personality; kids with a strong sense of self-esteem tend to be more resistant to peer pressure and they are better able to deal with challenges and handle responsibility. They manage their emotions more effectively and have lower rates of anxiety and depression. They are less susceptible to eating disorders, drug abuse, and self-harm. But what exactly is self-esteem, and how can we help our children develop it?

Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem is not an innate quality that a child either has or lacks. Instead, it’s a way of perceiving his or her self: Children with healthy self-esteem think about themselves more positively and usually have faith in their ability to achieve things that are important to them. This belief system is partly shaped by the child’s unique personality, but it’s also substantially influenced by her experiences and how important people in her life perceive her and interact with her. As such, it’s possible to raise your child in a way that nurtures the development of healthy self-esteem.

The 10 Core Components Of Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem is generally formed by a combination of the following qualities:

1. A feeling of personal and interpersonal security.

Your child needs to be both secure in herself and her potential (i.e., her ability to establish the kind of future she wants) and secure in her familial relationships. A safe, accepting, and stable home environment is paramount to developing self-confidence.

2. A sense of social belonging.

In addition to feeling secure and loved at home, your child needs to feel accepted and cherished by friends, relatives, and groups (such as sports teams or church groups) that are important to her. This lays the foundation for a sense of belonging in society as a whole.

3. A sense of purpose.

Children, like adults, need a sense of purpose and direction in life to be fully happy. Your child should, therefore, be encouraged to establish and strive toward goals. Just make sure to let her determine what those goals should be; children who feel pushed in specific directions by parents or teachers often grow resentful and doubt themselves because their desires and goals are not fully aligned. Self-esteem arises from self-determination and a certain degree of autonomy, not from external pressures.

4. A feeling of being capable.

If your child is encouraged to pursue her dreams and ambitions and allowed to independently tackle challenges she encounters along the way (with parental support when she requires it, of course), she will see that she’s competent. This will empower her to make her own decisions, employ creative problem-solving, and eventually develop a sense of mastery over her circumstances.

As a parent, you should strike a balance between letting your child make mistakes and reminding her to not set unrealistically high expectations for herself. Tell your child that it is “okay” to mess up; what matters most is that she keeps trying. Be a source of advice, rather than criticism, for your child.

5. A feeling of having trust and being trusted.

When you place trust in your child, you validate the idea that she can trust herself. To that end, you should give your child opportunities to show that she is trustworthy; give her an age-appropriate amount of responsibility and let her be independent within safe boundaries. Don’t be suspicious with your child, either; give her the benefit of the doubt and treat her like an honest person unless you have concrete evidence that she’s being untruthful. Likewise, as a parent, you should model honest behaviour for your child: Keep your promises and act in accordance with the principles you espouse.

6. A sense of contribution.

In order to develop robust self-esteem, your child needs to feel like she’s contributing to the “greater good.” This should begin at home, e.g. by doing chores to contribute to the running of the household and extend outward from there. Look for child-friendly volunteer opportunities so that your child can establish a sense of giving back to the community from an early age.

7. A feeling of influence.

In addition to letting your child make her own choices and decisions (within reason), you should allow her to have some say in household decisions. Asking your child which chores she prefers to do, for example, or soliciting her opinion when you want to purchase a new house or car, can help to give her a feeling of control over her environment.

8. A feeling of self-control.

Part of creating a secure, stable home environment is giving your child clear, consistent rules and guidelines. Your child should know what is expected of her and be given the chance to meet those expectations independently. It’s essential to understand that discipline, when administered properly, is not harmful to a child’s self-esteem. On the contrary, it allows her opportunities to practice self-discipline and thereby enhance her belief in her abilities.

9. A sense of reward.

No matter how independent your child appears to be, she still needs you to validate her experiences with positive reinforcement. When she achieves a goal, let her know that you’re proud of her. Additionally, you should remember to praise your child regularly for the “little things” she does well every day, e.g., holding doors open for strangers, picking up after herself, looking after the family pet, etc. Your feedback is an essential source of guidance for your child.

10. A sense of family pride.

Your child’s sense of identity is deeply rooted in her family’s perceptions of itself. If she doesn’t feel proud of where she comes from, she’ll have a difficult time loving herself for who she is. As such, you should make an effort to instill a sense of family honour and achievement. Participating in the community as a family (e.g. by helping to organize charity events) and working to establish a sense of family history via genealogy can give your child a sense of her family’s valuable place in both the past and the present. This part is especially important for children of immigrants who, in their attempt to integrate into the new culture, often reject home traditions and values.

In summation, if you give your child a “home base” where she knows she will be accepted, supported, and cherished for who she is, she will be well-prepared to meet the challenges and demands of the outside world. Furthermore, by nurturing the ten qualities outlined above, you can help your child develop a positive attitude towards herself and others—creating the foundation for lifelong self-esteem.