Pause… Breathe… Smile… those are the 3 magic words I constantly try to hone in with my 5-year-old. Do they work? With reminders and on a good day, yes. Otherwise… not so much. Surprisingly, while trying to teach these to my son, I ended up using these words as my own personal motto to help stay calm and in control.
As a psychologist and a parent, I feel like I should have a model child. After all, I have all this parenting knowledge and I’m more than happy to share it with families who come to my office seeking help with their children’s behavioural difficulties. The truth is, theory and knowledge base aside, some days parents just need to survive. We tend to place expectations on ourselves as parents, feeling the need to meet these expectations to be a good parent. Yet, some days, we need to settle for being a good enough parent. Remembering we are human is so very important in this process! Remembering that our children are human too provides the opportunity to see things from their perspective, to understand that some times they need a break from our expectations too. While limit setting is important, realistic expectations trump all. For instance, if a child has had a poor night’s sleep and is going through the day tired, well, then this child may be less able to regulate their emotions that day and may just need a break from others’ expectations. As a mother of a 5-month-old and a 5-year-old, I know too well how difficult it is to regulate oneself while sleep deprived.
Taking care of ourselves and giving ourselves a break from our own labels, judgments, and expectations, is an important self-care skill. This is alike to the airline instructions to place the oxygen mask on ourselves first before placing them on our child. If we do not take care of ourselves, not only can we lose our balance and become disconnected from ourselves and others around us, but our children will inevitably suffer. Self-care is not selfish, rather it is a proactive way to nurture and nourish our souls that will ensure a more engaged and happy person and parent in us. And an engaged and happy person and parent will not only be better able to nurture and nourish their child, but will also provide a happier, calmer, and more engaging environment for the entire family.
Too many times we dismiss taking care of ourselves because we are too busy. Yet, research shows that even 5 minutes of slowing down and practicing mindful awareness each day makes all the difference! Making small changes in our every day lives by bringing (brief) attention to our body and mind will help contribute to a healthier you.
Below are some self-care ideas that can be done quickly and easily and, in the long run, are definitely worth it.
1. Practice some mindfulness. All this means is sitting down, breathing, and observing. There are many YouTube videos out there of brief mindfulness meditations, they may or may not be useful, the end result is simply becoming aware of ourselves, our minds, and our bodies without judgment. Mindfulness meditation can be done in as little as 1 minute each day! One of the added benefits of mindfulness: improves sleep! (Can you tell sleep is on my mind?)
2. Gratitude and positivity. Taking time to reflect on what you are thankful for each day and highlighting in your mind the positive things that happened to you that day will not only make you happier, but it can make life better for everyone around you. You can practice gratitude on your own or make it a family activity and reflect together at the end of the day. Alternatively, you can put out a “gratitude jar,” where you and the rest of the family can drop as many good things you’re thankful for each day as you’d like. Research shows that as little as 10-20 seconds of positive reflections such as these make a difference over time and even changes the wiring in our brains to become more positive.
3. Records of compliments. How about this for positivity: keep track of the good things people say about you that you can read later. And don’t discount the little things, or the big things… like your child saying “I love you mommy.”
4. Go for a walk, just because. Often we go places with an intent, by going for a walk without a destination or purpose, we are able to become more present and mindful with our surroundings.
5. Bring mindful attention to routine. Many times we engage in our every day routines on autopilot. How many times have you driven somewhere on autopilot? Or washed dishes while thinking of other things? Try paying complete attention to these routine things and you may notice something new or different about them.
6. Play! Find something fun and uplifting to do for yourself, whether it’s going to the movies, getting a hair cut, or going for a swim.
7. Unplug! As shocking as it may be to suggest, by switching to airplane mode and unplugging for even 5 minutes each day, we allow ourselves some time to just be, rather than stay connected to the constant hums of the social media and e-mails. “Cell phone checking” may be the new yawn of our boredom. Yet, boredom has the advantage of providing some peace and quiet, as well as opportunities for creativity! Research shows that social media sites like Facebook actually make one in three people feel worse after visiting the site. By unplugging, we are able to take the opportunity to find our balance and appreciate the present without these distractions.
8. Spend time with people you like. Researchers find that people tend to be happier when they have strong relationships with others. Not spending enough time with friends and family is one of the biggest regrets people have. In sum, spending time with people we like is an important element to leading a happy and fulfilled life.
9. Pause, Breathe, Smile. Just that.
Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jstar/4334566409
