One of the best parts of being a parent is getting to witness how your child changes and develops. Watching your child take her first steps, say her first words, and get dressed by herself for the first time invariably evokes feelings of pride and joy. Most parents enthusiastically do their best to facilitate these changes: They hold their child’s hands as she tries to totter forward; they “baby proof” the family home so that she can explore safely. They break tasks down into manageable steps and encourage their child when she’s struggling to master something new.
Unfortunately, this supportive dynamic tends to break down as children approach adolescence. Suddenly, your child’s changes can seem chaotic, unpredictable, and alienating. Your child may shut you out when you try to help or see your attempts to keep her safe as being limiting or even stifling.
Many parents in the above situation react defensively, not realizing that their child doesn’t mean to hurt them. As a result, both parties end up feeling misunderstood and, if this type of interaction becomes a pattern, abandoned. It’s a painful schism that leaves kids less able to deal with the challenges of adolescence—particularly peer pressure. Fortunately, it’s also avoidable: By understanding how your child’s brain will change during adolescence, you can put her behaviour into proper perspective and develop effective guidance strategies.
7 Ways The Brain Changes During Early Adolescence
1. Neurons are shed at a faster rate.
Brain scans of children between the ages of 10-14 reveal a marked reduction in gray matter. While this may not sound like a good thing, it allows the brains of preteens and teens to make new, more specialized connections more effectively. As a result, kids in this age group can focus more acutely on learning new skills—and these skills will usually stay with them for the rest of their adult lives. If your child develops a sudden passion for art, music, sports, etc. during these years, you should therefore make sure to encourage her.
There is one downside to this neural “pruning,” however. If your child is genetically predisposed to mental illness, the reduction in gray matter will make the symptoms obvious for what may be the first time. As such, you should never write your preteen’s depression or anxiety off as being “just a phase.” If your preteen or teenager appears to be struggling with her mental health, get help. Early intervention often results in successful treatment.
2. As neurons are shed, connections between them increase.
Early adolescence marks the beginning of a sharp increase in the production of neural connections that will last until approximately age 25. This shift allows thoughts to become more complex and enhances logic and reasoning capabilities. It also significantly boosts creativity. Alas, this increase in connections doesn’t typically lead to calmer or more rational parent-child discussions. On the contrary, young people tend to use arguing as a way of flexing their new skills.
It’s important to remember that when your teen argues with you, she’s usually not trying to be difficult for the sake of it; she’s just exploring her developing mind. Rather than getting caught up in a heated debate, remain calm and focus on helping your child learn to think critically and analytically.
3. Your teen’s limbic system is likely to be somewhat overactive.
The limbic system—the emotional centre of the brain—becomes especially active during adolescence. As a result, teens often experience mood swings and have particularly intense feelings.
Patience is key when dealing with your teen’s heightened emotional sensitivity. Remember that it takes at least 90 seconds for an emotion to fully manifest and begin to fade, so it’s vital that you take a deep breath and pause when your teen is being needlessly reactive. Give your child a minute or two to calm down, then formulate a calm, rational, and helpful response.
You should also be aware that this emotionality will last right into early adulthood, so it’s important not to expect your teen to “grow out of” this tendency toward moodiness. Instead, try to make the best of it: Help your teen harness her passion in productive ways while teaching her better mindfulness and self-moderation skills.
Finally, be gentle with your child if she struggles with “big picture” thinking and sometimes makes poor choices. Research reveals that a child’s ability to understand cause and effect actually declines briefly between the ages of 12-14, making it almost impossible for kids in this age group to effectively plan ahead and make measured decisions. You may therefore need to step in and help your teen understand what kind of consequences her actions will have—don’t expect her to know this innately.
4. Social awareness increases.
While the fact that preteens and teens are highly focused on their peers is well-known, most parents don’t realize just how profoundly this can affect their teen’s self-perception. By the time both boys and girls reach 15 years of age, they tend to feel like their every action is being evaluated by an audience, which can lead to stress and self-doubt. (This process begins a bit earlier in girls, though, starting around the age of 12 or 13.) Some teens in this age group even begin to suspect that others can pick up on their innermost thoughts and feelings. Naturally, beliefs like these make many teens incredibly self-conscious. As a result, they go to great lengths to manage their “image” so that they will fit in and belong.
At this age, being excluded causes the brain to enter a state of extreme distress. Brain scans have shown that young teens feel more pain when they believe they are being rejected than when they are physically bruised. It’s important to understand that this extends into the online realm, too: Studies have revealed that teen girls who felt excluded while playing an online game experienced significant anxiety and a sharp decline in their mood. As a parent, you should therefore pay keen attention to your child’s experiences on social media and take virtual bullying as seriously as physical bullying.
Additionally, it’s important to note that peer influence can easily undermine your teen’s decision-making skills. Teens have been shown to take more risks when driving with their peers than they would ever take when driving alone, for example, even if their passengers don’t encourage them to do so. Some light, unobtrusive monitoring of your child’s choice in friends (and peer activities) is therefore recommended. Teens typically do best when socializing in somewhat structured settings, like within the family home, at extra-curricular events, and so on.
5. Dopamine levels rise.
Not all of the mood changes experienced during early adolescence are of a negative or stressful nature. Research has shown that teens also experience a remarkable surge in the “feel good” chemical dopamine, empowering them to take on new challenges and embrace independence. This change in the brain makes teens uniquely resilient and ambitious.
There is only one caveat for parents to be aware of in this area: Because dopamine is tied in with reward-seeking behaviour, this surge can leave teens more vulnerable to the temptation of substance use and abuse. It’s therefore vital to make sure your teen has a healthy reward system in place, one that involves productive activities (e.g., sports, participating in clubs and hobbies, and spending time with friends and family).
6. Your teen’s sleep cycle will change.
Not only do most teens need to sleep at least 9 hours per night, their body clocks typically prevent them from sleeping “normal” hours. On average, teens fall asleep about three hours later than adults do. Unfortunately, school systems still haven’t adapted to reflect what we know about the circadian rhythms of teens, leaving many teens chronically sleep-deprived.
As you can imagine, this adds an extra layer of difficulty to the lives of adolescents. When tiredness is combined with hormonal surges and changes in the brain that promote emotionality and impulsivity, it can easily become dangerous. In fact, a study conducted in Minneapolis revealed that when teens were given a later school start time, bullying, feelings of depression, and risk-taking behaviour all decreased. At the same time, academic performance improved.
If your teen seems tired and cranky in the morning or sometimes sleeps through her alarm, don’t react with blame and criticism—her body is crying out for the sleep it needs. You should let your teen sleep in wherever possible, too, such as on weekends, and help her practice excellent sleep hygiene. A few simple adjustments, like limiting screen time in the evenings (or using an app that changes the screen’s colour temperature) and following the same routine before bed can help your teen settle down more easily. You may also want to talk to your child’s doctor about the possible use of sleep-promoting vitamins and supplements.
7. Your teen will be dealing with emerging sexuality.
Once again, this fact isn’t exactly news, but what is less well-understood is how teens’ emerging sexual feelings impact their psyches. Teens are often frightened by the changes taking place in their bodies, which leads them to lash out at their peers. They might become highly critical of how others express their sexuality, for example, or suddenly develop misogynistic or homophobic feelings. While this can be incredibly worrying, it’s important not to overreact.
Boys at this age need to be guided away from forming homophobic views. These views can cause so much social anxiety that boys avoid making close friendships with other boys, which is profoundly isolating and harmful. (Homophobic harassment at school results in a loss of male friendships about 75% of the time.) Girls, on the other hand, need to be educated about how to make wise choices during their first sexual encounters (currently only 10% of girls report enjoying their first sexual experience). In both cases, rather than avoiding the topic of sex, parents need to maintain an open, accepting, and informative dialogue with their teens throughout their adolescence.
While many of the above changes can feel confusing and intimidating for parents and teens alike, it’s important to remember that they serve a very important purpose: As your teen changes, she will continue to discover more about herself and ultimately define herself as a unique individual. Just as you celebrated your daughter or son’s early steps toward independence, you should honour the milestones of adolescence and validate your teen’s emerging selfhood. Mutual support, respect, and acceptance will help you and your teen form a healthy, lasting adult relationship.
