How to Effectively Talk to Your Teen about Marijuana

Emerging research has demonstrated that even the use of “soft” drugs such as marijuana can have a deleterious effect on developing brains, including those of adolescents. Marijuana use directly alters the parts of the brain responsible for memory, learning, and attention, and may be capable of permanently lowering a person’s IQ and interfering with other aspects of their neurological functioning when consumed regularly prior to adulthood. Due to these effects, marijuana is especially harmful for adolescents with ADHD.

At the same time, research is also proving that the typical parental rhetoric surrounding marijuana use—replete with scare tactics, lectures, threats, and other iterations of “tough love”—is a very poor deterrent against teen marijuana use. By and large, these one-way conversations tend to fall on deaf ears, and if you put yourself in your teen's place, it's not difficult to understand why.

Teens are dealing with a great deal of turbulent change in their lives, along with intense social and academic pressures; ergo, to effectively communicate with them, one must at all times remember the value of active listening, objectivity, empathy, and non-judgemental language.

Many parents feel as though they must strongly project and convey their own fears in order for the teen to truly understand the harm marijuana use may cause, but in reality, this idea just leads to the use of fear-infused language and emotional tension. This in turn leads to uncomfortable conversations which actually take the focus away from the subject of marijuana use, as the teen will be far more occupied by thinking of ways to exit the conversation than he or she is thinking about the risks inherent in marijuana use.

The frustration parents experience when talking to their teens about marijuana use is often a result of misconceptions on the part of the teen, rather than actual ill-will or intentional rebellion. By having a strategy in place to troubleshoot these misconceptions, parents can communicate information about the issue at hand more calmly and effectively. Listed below are six common misconceptions which tend to derail conversations about marijuana use before they can become effective, and how to handle them in a way that keeps the dialogue open:

1. The teen believes that one conversation about marijuana was enough.

If you've already brought up the risks inherent in smoking pot before, your teen will likely be eager to avoid a repeat of the uncomfortable topic, and fear you're going to get into a habit of “nagging” him or her about the subject.

It's important to emphasize to your teen that nobody talks about potentially life-changing decisions only once (no one has a single conversation about buying a car or getting engaged, for example). Non-judgmentally explain to your teen that you see marijuana use as something which could potentially impact his or her life a great deal, and thus, it's normal and natural to want to talk about it more than once. Assure your teen that it's okay if he or she does not wish to broach the topic at that exact moment; allow the teen to pick a better time if need be.

Likewise, try not to bring up the topic without adequate reason, such as believing your teen may have changed his or her marijuana use habits, or having recently read some emerging research on the possible risks of teen marijuana use. Kids fairly quickly learn to tune out repetitive information, so it's wise to choose relevant moments to reintroduce the topic.

2. The teen believes recreational (i.e. weekend) use is no big deal.

Teens are often warned at school about the dangers of drug use through graphic depictions of addiction, of people who lost everything they had to drugs. This creates a bit of a skewed picture about drug use—the idea that it's only dangerous if you lose control of it, and allow yourself to become “hooked”. As teens have a tendency to believe they are somewhat invincible, it's easy for them to think that they have their use under control and as such, it cannot harm them.

It's a good idea, in this situation, to begin by praising your teen for his or her moderation (making him or her feel like she can't do anything right will not do anything to discourage drug use, and may even encourage it), but then give the teen access to information delineating that even occasional use can prove harmful to developing brains.

You can also inquire as to why the teen is choosing to spend his free time this way; is there anything he'd rather be doing? What drives the desire to use marijuana recreationally? Aim for the conversation to be an opportunity for you and your teen to educate each other.

3. The teen believes marijuana use is safer than drinking alcohol.

Realize that a teen who believes this is likely actively trying to look after his or her self by picking the lesser of two evils, so it's important to approach the teen with an appreciation for this effort. Understand that there are a lot of statistics out there which do indeed cite the higher death rates (via accidents and overdose) and domestic violence rates associated with alcohol abuse, so the teen's ideas are not farfetched and likely not some form of intentional “excuse” to abuse drugs.

Rather than argue with whatever information the teen presents regarding how much safer marijuana is, emphasize that neither marijuana or alcohol are safe for teens due to the fact that both are especially damaging to a brain that is still developing. Affirm that you care about the teen's well-being, which is why you don't like the idea of him or her doing anything potentially harmful—the “degrees” of harmfulness don't change that fact.

Likewise, discuss the fact that almost everyone will experiment with alcohol at some point—if not now, likely during college—and when they do, research shows they almost always combine it with their existing pot use. This combination is especially dangerous and can be all-out debilitating. Even if you don't manage to convince the teen to abstain from pot altogether, you'll at least have warned him or her about the dangers of using both pot and alcohol at the same time.

4. The teen believes that because you tried pot, it's acceptable that he or she get the opportunity to experiment.

It's important not to lie about your own marijuana use (if you do, you risk losing all credibility) or find a way to sweep it under the rug; instead, use it as a platform to better relate to your teen, to understand his or her use and explain from firsthand experience how pot can affect a person. Discuss why you regret trying it, any risky situations you got into because your judgement was compromised, or risks you witnessed your peers taking due to marijuana use.

5. The teen believes that marijuana cannot be harmful because it is “natural” and “just a plant”.

In society today there is an overwhelming tendency to see anything “organic”, “plant based”, and “natural” as safe and healthy, and anything artificial and “chemical” as inherently harmful. This logic falls apart pretty rapidly under scrutiny, however; there are many fatally toxic plants present in nature, and many potent chemicals are, of course, derived from plants.

Try discussing the current various uses for the chemicals in marijuana (medicinal, etc.) in a balanced and rational way, then slowly turn the conversation around to why the teen feels the need to “self medicate” with the substance. Even if the teen does not know why, this will prompt him or her to re-frame the topic and begin thinking about it in such a way.

You may also wish to reiterate to your teen that regardless of how “harmful” marijuana is or is not from a purely chemical perspective, it does alter a person's judgement, and there is always risk present when that occurs.

6. The teen has only tried marijuana once, and claims there was no ill effects.

First, you should ask how the teen feels about the experience—did he or she decide to only do it once because the experience was unsavoury in some way? Or has the teen only had one opportunity to use marijuana, and feels it had no harmful effect?

If it's the latter, explain that damage from harmful habits that are not outright fatal tend to be cumulative in nature; no one gets diabetes from eating a single piece of candy, or lung cancer from a single cigarette. Don't try to “scare” the teen away from trying it again, but do calmly explain that just because a single experience went uneventfully, does not mean the substance is verified as harmless—it remains important to think seriously about its use.

Remember that you, as a parent, do not lose your power of influence simply because your teen has tried marijuana, or even if he or she uses it recreationally. In fact, research suggests that parental influence is instrumental in preventing teen drug use from escalating. Most teens do not, after all, wish to hurt or disappoint their parents, so by keeping the communication regarding marijuana use compassionate and non-judgemental, you draw on your teen's natural desire to maintain their nurturing emotional bond with you and to avoid causing you distress.