There’s no definitive guide to being a single parent; no matter how you approach it, raising a child on your own comes with unique challenges and rewards. Single parents have greater control over some aspects of family life than dual-parent households, but the responsibility of being sole provider and decision-maker can feel overwhelming. Though lone-parent families now make up 20% of Canadian families with children under 16 years of age (as compared to just 9% in 1976), many single parents still report struggling with high levels of stress, worry, and fatigue. In this article, we’ll discuss 10 ways to manage stress as a single parent – so you can fully enjoy the close bond you share with your children.
1. Make sure you have a reliable support system in place.
All parents need to take breaks sometimes. Stepping back when you feel overwhelmed is the best way to ensure you remain calm, balanced, and objective in your interactions with your children. Unfortunately, accessing flexible and reliable support is more complicated for single parents. Even lone parents who enjoy an amicable relationship with their child’s other parent face barriers that aren’t present in dual-parent households: E.g., they can’t easily ask someone else to “take over” when they need to cool off or quickly ask another parent for advice when making decisions.
To prevent parenting burnout, it’s crucial for single parents to build a broad and dependable support network. Make sure you have a list of understanding, trustworthy relatives and friends you can call when you need help. Or, if those closest to you have hectic schedules that limit their availability, try joining a support group for single parents or hiring a reputable childcare provider.
2. Create a consistent schedule.
Managing the extra commitments that come with being a single parent can make life feel chaotic. To regain a sense of control over your household, create a daily schedule that includes meals, chores, homework, bedtime, and downtime. Your children will feel more secure with a predictable routine (and therefore be less prone to outbursts) and you’ll find it easier to schedule regular self-care.
3. Let go of guilt.
As your child’s sole provider, you probably feel an immense responsibility to meet all of his (or her) needs. You may worry that you aren’t giving your child enough time and attention, or question the methods you use to correct and guide him. This self-doubt can create feelings of guilt and inadequacy – which aren’t helpful for either you or your child. Parents who feel guilty may overcompensate for their perceived shortcomings by failing to uphold healthy boundaries or materially spoiling their children, which can lead to behavioural issues and undermine parental authority.
To keep a balanced perspective, remind yourself that kids in dual-parent households don’t get everything they want, either. All parents have to make compromises, but that doesn’t prevent them from raising healthy, happy kids. Instead of dwelling on what you can’t do, consider everything you’ve achieved as a single parent: You’ve given your child (or children) a safe, loving home and a sense of security, which is invaluable.
4. If you share custody, make the most of your “alone time.”
Sharing custody can create periods of loneliness where you miss your child, but it’s also a potential source of respite. Plan out the times when your child is with his other parent to give yourself a chance to socialize, engage in hobbies, and rest. Structuring your time will both help you miss your child less and give you a chance to recuperate from the stress of being a single parent.
5. Budget carefully.
Living on one income is a source of worry for many single parents, particularly at a time when one in five Canadian professionals live with job insecurity. To manage your financial concerns, create a budget that clearly outlines your expenses and long-term financial goals. Knowing where you currently stand – and where you want to be in the future – will help you feel more in control of your money, thereby lessening financial anxiety.
Even if you’re financially comfortable right now, consider cutting down on unnecessary expenses, particularly if they aren’t enhancing your quality of life. Getting rid of high-interest credit cards or little-used subscription services, for example, can result in significant savings without making you feel deprived. This strategy is one of the best ways to increase your savings and give yourself more security in the event of job loss.
6. Make self-care a daily priority.
Most parents occasionally neglect their needs in favour of getting more done. However, single parents are especially susceptible to developing bad self-care habits because it’s more difficult for them to find large blocks of time to recharge. To overcome this challenge, try scheduling in small windows of self-care every day (e.g., during nap time and/or after your children have gone to bed). For many parents, 15 minute intervals spent reading, sitting in the garden, or talking to a friend can be revitalizing.
7. Get enough sleep.
Sleep deprivation has become an epidemic of global proportions, with research indicating that up to 30% of adults don’t get enough sleep on a regular basis. For single parents, this figure can reach as high as 44%.
Sleep deprivation among single parents is problematic for multiple reasons: Not only is chronic sleep loss associated with numerous health issues, the psychological effects of sleep deprivation – including irritability, increased reactivity, and reduced stress tolerance – are doubly damaging for single parents. Likewise, single parents simply need more energy to function optimally in their role; without adequate sleep, exhaustion and burnout are practically inevitable.
If you aren’t getting enough rest each night, adjust your routine to create at least an hour of “quiet time” before bed. During this time, avoid using electronics or catching up on work; instead, practice good sleep hygiene by reading, meditating, or engaging in another relaxing activity.
8. Use authoritative parenting techniques.
When you’re everything to your child, it can be difficult to set boundaries or administer normal discipline – but it’s vital to realize that your child needs these things to feel secure. Having boundaries will also preserve your mental health by ensuring that your home environment feels stable, consistent, and organized.
Using authoritative parenting techniques is an excellent way to give your kids the guidance they need while still remaining emotionally available. Authoritative parents use active listening and other empathetic communication methods to help their kids feel supported and valued, even when they make mistakes. At the same time, authoritative parents provide their children with clear rules, expectations, and consequences. This way, kids know what’s expected of them at all times and understand what will happen if they violate a household rule.
9. Work to resolve conflict with your child’s other parent.
Though a little over half of all divorces are amicable, it’s not uncommon for single parents to experience periods of conflict with their ex, especially immediately following divorce or separation. While it’s normal to struggle after ending a relationship, proactively tackling problems with your co-parent ensures a smoother transition – and a better future – for everyone.
To address issues with your ex, you must first allow yourself to grieve; unaddressed grief is at the root of many unhappy co-parent relationships. Acknowledge the loss you’ve experienced, permit yourself to feel sadness, and connect with a solid support network while you work through your feelings.
Once you’ve processed your loss, focus on creating a harmonious co-parenting arrangement. Keep your conversations with your ex focused on the future rather than the past and maintain a consistent emphasis on the needs of your children. Establish clear guidelines for providing care, making joint decisions, and giving kids similar rules in both households.
10. Seek counselling.
Counselling can help with a wide range of issues typically faced by single parents, such as grief, guilt, and anxiety. Working with a therapist will give you the tools you need to manage stress, allowing you to parent more calmly and model these skills for your children. A family therapist can also provide you with the objective insight you need to make tough parenting decisions, especially if you don’t have a supportive co-parent.
Being a single parent isn’t easy, but with the right strategies and support, it can be an enriching experience that pushes you to discover your inner strength, compassion, and resilience. By prioritizing your well-being along with the needs of your children, you’ll become both an ideal role-model and a loving caregiver to your kids.
