More often than not, parents live hectic and complicated lives. Naturally, because we’re already overburdened by complexity, easy answers can seem very appealing. This is especially true when it comes to understanding child development: Parents are often drawn to popular child-rearing strategies that focus on just one aspect of development. These theories generally state that by understanding a specific facet of how kids learn and grow, we can prevent various common behavioural problems (or intervene effectively when they occur). While these ideas typically sound logical, they leave out multiple (often equally important) factors that affect development. Parents who focus too exclusively on any one of these theories therefore leave themselves at risk of making potentially serious mistakes.
As a parent, it’s vital to recognize that child development is influenced by numerous factors, some of which aren’t under our direct control. Multiple genetic and environmental circumstances shape personal evolution, and how these circumstances interact with one another adds another dimension of complexity to the process of development. There is no one single solution, strategy, or environment that will work for every child, because every child is unique.
Unfortunately, many “easy answers” about child development have become so ensconced in popular literature that they’re widely believed as fact. We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the convenient ideas outlined below that we don’t always pause to consider their validity or limitations.
1. Infant Determinism
The theory of infant determinism states that a child’s first few years set the stage for the rest of his or her life. According to proponents of infant determinism, events that happen during a child’s formative years can effectively “make or break” the child in question. This simplistic theory is harmful because it creates the unrealistic expectation that every baby’s formative years must be close to perfect if that child is to succeed. In extreme cases, this kind of thinking has caused infants to be removed from their parents’ care and placed into foster care when better family support would have sufficed.
Infant determinism also leads parents to worry that unavoidable circumstances, like poverty, will do irreparable damage to their child—when that’s not necessarily true. Children born into less than ideal situations, like neglected or abused infants who are later adopted into healthy families, often go on to lead happy, successful lives. Moreover, targeted interventions (like family therapy, placement in a good school, or community support) can often produce substantial positive changes in a child’s developmental trajectory, even if the child had a rough start.
2. Attachment Theory
Theories about attachment place parent-child attachment at the core of all personal development. These theories suggest that changing a child or parent’s attachment style can profoundly alter the course of child development. Attachment-based therapies are used to treat a wide variety of mental health and developmental conditions, and ideas about attachment underlie popular parenting techniques, like “attachment parenting.”
While parent-child attachment does play an important role in child development, and attachment therapy can be helpful for certain conditions, focusing exclusively on attachment creates a problematic form of “tunnel vision” where other issues are overlooked or ignored. In reality, many factors outside the parent-child bond can have a profound positive or negative impact on a child’s mental health. For example, a child who has a healthy attachment to his parents, but who is severely bullied at school, is still likely to develop problems with his mental health or self-image.
Even within the home, there are numerous criteria unrelated to attachment that may positively or negatively affect how a child grows. Diet and exercise, the presence or absence of discipline and structure, inherited traits, and parental stress levels, among other factors, also strongly influence development. Truly helpful interventions must take all of these things into account, rather than exclusively working on the parent-child bond.
Finally, like infant determinism, a fixation on attachment can create unrealistic expectations. Parents who adhere to more extreme forms of attachment parenting may neglect their own needs in order to always put their child center-stage. This can create marital strife and personal stress, both of which have a poor effect on child development.
3. Trauma Theory
There is no denying the fact that genuine trauma can have lasting and detrimental effects, especially if the traumatized child doesn’t receive adequate and timely therapy. Trauma should always be responded to swiftly and with extreme care.
With that being said, parents must be wary of the idea that mood and behaviour problems only occur in children who have experienced trauma. This concept can be dangerous because it compels parents to persistently look for trauma in their child’s background, even when there is no evidence that any trauma has ever occurred. In doing so, parents generally overlook the real causes of their child’s issues or pursue unsuitable treatments. They also frequently end up blaming themselves for problems that have little, if anything, to do with them. This creates feelings of guilt and remorse that may derail effective parenting; e.g., the parent ends up over-indulging his or her child to make up for perceived trauma.
4. Neuroscientific “Evidence”
Neuroscience is a legitimate and fascinating science, but our understanding of how the brain works is far from complete. Parents must therefore be careful when considering theories that use neuroscience alone to make their points appear legitimate. It’s also prudent to remember that, when studying the brain, looks can be deceiving. Sometimes things that sound wholly negative—like a loss of brain volume—actually have positive developmental implications. Children experience a loss of brain volume as they enter adolescence, for example, but at the same time, the density of their gray matter actually increases, facilitating better cognitive performance.
When it comes to parenting, there are no easy answers. Understanding child development requires diverse and thorough research, and parenting always involves a certain amount of intuition. As a parent, you know your child best, so you should rely foremost on your own judgment to yield insight and solutions. And, if your child is experiencing a problem that cannot be handled at home, the best approach is always to contact a trained mental health professional for assistance.
