When we hear the phrase “learning disability,” the first thing that usually springs to mind is the image of a child who struggles to read or stay focused at school. We immediately think of the academic issues these kids face and overlook what is, for them, often the most upsetting aspect of being “different”: Not fitting in. The vast majority of children with learning disabilities face social challenges (such as communication difficulties) that make relating to their peers extremely challenging. This leads to shame and a sense of profound isolation if not properly addressed.
As a parent, it’s important to understand that while you may love your child’s unique quirks, other children tend to be far less accepting. If your child talks too fast or too slow, misses social cues occasionally, or simply says the wrong thing at the wrong time, she (or he) may face significant backlash from peers. Unfortunately, all of these issues are common among children with learning disabilities. (While autism is most strongly associated with these social problems, even ADHD and dyslexia can cause them.) As a result, these kids face a substantially increased risk of bullying, social anxiety, and depression. There are, however, things parents can do to help their learning-challenged children function socially.
Why Do Learning Problems Cause Social Problems?
The same cognitive processes that are required for effective learning are often needed for socialization, too. Those of us who don’t have learning disabilities think of social behaviours as coming “naturally” to us, but in reality, they hinge on a number of different skills. Every time we interact with another person, we must interpret new information, organize that information, and come up with the appropriate response. Furthermore, we need to be able to retrieve the correct words to express that response. Like breathing or chewing food, these complex multi-step social actions are automatic for most of us—but for kids with learning disabilities, they’re not. Instead, these kids have to be taught how to take the right steps. Even when they know them, they often need time to work through them sequentially. This isn’t due to an overall lack of intelligence on their part; their brains just need more time to access and store certain types of information. Indeed, a child can be highly gifted and still struggle with specific processing difficulties.
Identifying the Root of the Problem
While most kids with learning disabilities struggle socially at least some of the time, their issues often have widely disparate causes. A child with autism might make an inappropriate remark because she doesn’t understand social cues, for instance, whereas a child with ADHD will sometimes do the same thing owing to attentional difficulties (even if she has otherwise adequate social skills). Meanwhile, a child with dyslexia might both understand social cues and be paying attention, but be unable to find the correct words to respond properly. Obviously, it would not be possible to teach all of these kids better communication skills using the same techniques. Instead, it’s essential to identify the root cause of each child’s problem and educate him or her in a way that makes use of his or her unique strengths.
Children who have a hard time recognizing social patterns and “rules” (such as kids with non-verbal learning disorder or autism) often have an excellent capacity for rote learning, for example. They can therefore memorize impressive repertoires of possible responses to social situations, even if they can’t generate them intuitively. Visual references often work well for these children, too, as they tend to be visual learners. Preparing a set of picture cards depicting different facial expressions and having your child match each one to the emotion it represents can help her to overcome issues with facial recognition.
Children with executive functioning difficulties (i.e., including those with ADHD), on the other hand, need to be shown how to prioritize information. They must be taught to maintain eye contact with teachers and peers when conversing in order to avoid being distracted by other stimuli in the room. They usually need some help resisting their impulses, too. These kids often “blurt out” statements that seem rude simply because they haven’t taken a few moments to review their choice of words. Being told to count to three before responding, especially in emotionally tense situations, can help them avoid making tactless remarks. Finally, it’s vital to ensure that their inattentiveness and honesty are not mislabeled as rebellion. If they start to believe they are “bad kids,” their social problems will only multiply.
Children with dyslexia often require no social skills training; their social skills are, in general, adequate or even above average. Instead, they need assistance with developing better word retrieval skills. While they may be allowed to take their time when reading or writing in a supportive classroom environment, their peers typically expect them to keep pace in conversation… And this is where problems occur. These kids can appear “slow” and awkward, making them a target for bullying. They must therefore also learn to advocate for themselves effectively. Being taught how to explain their difficulties to others, and how to reach out for adult aid if this fails, can prevent these kids from becoming easy targets.
Taking the First Step
Regardless of which learning disability a child is struggling with, timely intervention is of the essence. Delayed diagnosis is the number one cause of social stigma, shame, and impaired confidence. By the time an undiagnosed child has struggled through several grades, confronting failure after failure along the way, her self-esteem has already been deeply damaged. What’s more, her social standing will have been compromised by her inability to perform at school and her unexplained interpersonal quirks. Both of these things will make confronting her social processing issues much more difficult. She will be too frightened to reach out to her peers or experiment with new ways of interacting, making learning new social skills nearly impossible.
If you suspect that your child has a learning disorder, you should therefore proactively seek diagnostic testing. If your child’s school will not help you in this endeavour, talk to a qualified mental health professional. He or she will be able to connect you with the resources you need to ensure your child is allowed to thrive both socially and academically.
