Exploring sexual behaviour is a normal part of adolescence, but parents must be mindful of the messages their children get about sex. Certain types of content, like hyper-sexualized entertainment, social media posts, and especially pornography, can hinder healthy sexual development. They can also give teens unrealistic ideas about relationships and, in the case of pornography, lead to addiction. If you’re parenting a teen, it’s necessary to understand the potential harms of pornography, know the signs of porn addiction, and have coping strategies ready to help your teen.
Why is Viewing Porn Bad For Teens?
Viewing sexually pornographic material can lead to diverse emotional, psychological, and social problems in teens. Perhaps the most concerning issue related to viewing pornography is its proven link to teen dating violence and sexual aggression: Studies show that regular exposure to pornography during adolescence increases the risk of perpetrating dating violence by up to three times in boys and up to 1.5 times in girls. This correlation exists for all types of pornography, though it’s strongest in teens who typically view violent pornography.
Furthermore, viewing aggressive pornography alters how teen boys perceive violence against women. According to research published in Aggressive Behavior, adolescent males who are exposed to porn depicting physical or emotional violence are more likely to support or overlook violence against women in the real world. And, with approximately 50% of pornographic material depicting verbal hostility and 90% of pornographic material containing scenes of physical violence, most teens who watch porn inevitably witness abuse.
Finally, frequent exposure to pornography can structurally alter the developing brain. In the adolescent brain, the impulse-moderating prefrontal cortex remains underdeveloped while the limbic system – which is responsible for reward, impulsivity, sexual behaviour, and emotion – is highly active. As a result, teens are uniquely sensitive to the effects of dopamine, which is released in significant quantities following exposure to porn, along with other pleasure-inducing hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin. (Teens react up to four times more strongly than adults when they view stimulating images.) This chemical reward system causes teens to crave the “high” associated with viewing pornography, which sets the stage for addiction. Research also shows that sexual content, in particular, may be more addictive for teens than other rewarding behaviours: When the adolescent brain is exposed to sexual imagery, it produces elevated levels of the protein DeltaFosB, which is involved in reward memory. High levels of DeltaFosB have been linked to the development of hypersexuality.
Once a teen becomes addicted to porn, he will usually find real-life sexual encounters comparatively underwhelming. (Viewing porn frequently depletes gray matter in the brain, making it more difficult for teens to derive a sense of reward from normal stimuli.) In an attempt to replicate the extreme behaviours depicted in porn, the teen may engage in increasingly risky sexual behaviour, possibly endangering himself or others.
What Are The Signs of Porn Addiction in Teens?
Parents should start watching for signs porn addiction as soon as their child experiences puberty. The internet has greatly increased access to pornographic material for minors, despite parents’ best efforts to use parental controls to restrict online browsing. According to one study, half of all male children and one-third of all female children are exposed to pornographic material before age 13. While much of this initial exposure is accidental, it can incite curiosity, leading young adolescents to intentionally view pornography.
Some potential warning signs of porn addiction are as follows:
- A demonstrated lack of empathy towards women or victims of sexual violence.
- Impaired concentration and/or signs of depression.
- Reduced academic performance and/or apathy towards hobbies.
- Difficulty forming and maintaining friendships and relationships.
- An abnormal attitude towards dating. Porn-addicted teens often show either a complete lack of interest in dating or excessive interest.
- Spending a significant amount of time online, especially late at night.
- Being highly secretive about online activities. While it’s true that most teens prefer to keep their digital lives private, porn-addicted teens will go to unusually extreme lengths to prevent parents from discovering their online activities. Porn-addicted teens will typically password-protect all of their devices, routinely erase their cookies and browsing history, and insist on keeping their bedroom door locked when they’re online.
- Lying about sexual or romantic encounters to conceal inappropriate sexual behaviour.
How Can You Help Your Teen Overcome an Addiction to Pornography?
The best way to protect your child from the negative effects of pornography is to prevent them from viewing it in the first place. Ideally, you should look for age-appropriate ways to warn your children about porn as soon as they begin using the internet without supervision and give them a protocol to follow when they encounter explicit images. For example, you might explain the difference between “good” and “bad” pictures on the internet, while reassuring your child that you won’t be angry with him if he accidentally views a bad picture. Let your child know that it’s important to exit a website immediately if he sees a bad picture, then he should ask for your help because explicit websites often contain computer viruses.
If your child is upset after accidentally viewing explicit content, let him work through his feelings with you and reassure him that real adult relationships don’t resemble the scenes depicted in pornography. Then, instruct him to distract himself with something fun – like a computer game – whenever he remembers the images he saw. Before you end the conversation, reinforce the fact that viewing explicit websites could damage his computer or mobile device; this will reduce the temptation to research porn out of curiosity.
Below, we’ll outline five more strategies you can use to prevent and manage adolescent porn addiction:
1. Teach your child how to recognize and manage negative emotions.
Because watching porn creates immediate feelings of reward, relaxation, and pleasure, many teens learn to use pornography to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions, like boredom, sadness, stress, or loneliness. Managing unmet emotional needs is usually the primary driver of porn addiction, not sexual urges.
First, talk to your child about how to identify his emotional triggers. Then, discuss the various coping mechanisms he might use to manage feelings like boredom, stress, and loneliness. For example, to help your teen deal with boredom, you might suggest doing extra chores around the house in return for a small monetary reward, which he can use to save up for something he wants. Giving your teen goals to aim for will prevent him from feeling aimless. Likewise, you should make sure your child has a trusted adult confidante he can talk to when he’s experiencing challenges at home or school. This person can be a family member, like an aunt or grandparent, a close family friend, or a counsellor or therapist.
Learning when your child is most susceptible to negative emotions can also be useful for preventing pornography use. Many teens are especially vulnerable to boredom and sadness immediately after returning home from school, for instance. Creating a positive after-school ritual to look forward to (e.g., sitting down to watch funny YouTube videos together) can alleviate these feelings, reducing the need for harmful coping strategies. Alternately, if your child has a hard time sleeping due to anxiety, you might suggest using a meditation app to relax before bed.
2. Educate your adolescent about the dangers of pornography.
Today’s teens have grown up in a society that holds mostly liberal, positive attitudes towards sex. As such, it may be difficult for them to understand why viewing pornography is different from other normal, healthy sexual behaviours. Teens may even see pornography as a low-risk way to explore their sexuality because it doesn’t require physical contact with other people.
Have a frank, open discussion with your teen where you outline the dangers of pornography (while being careful not to shame him for having sexual urges). Talk about the effect that porn has on the developing brain, and explain how viewing porn creates unrealistic expectations for real-world relationships. Use scientific research to back up your points and encourage your teen to ask questions.
3. Encourage your child to talk to you if he struggles with porn use.
If your child already has (or is developing) an addiction to porn, it’s crucial to remain calm and nonjudgmental. Tell your child that while you expect him to address his addiction, you don’t blame him for becoming addicted. Let him know that you understand how prevalent sexual content is online and how hard it is to resist being exposed. Encourage him to talk to you when he feels tempted to watch porn and when he’s relapsed. Addictions thrive on secrecy, so it’s paramount to show your child he doesn’t have to hide his problem.
4. Temporarily restrict your teen’s internet access.
During the early stages of recovery from porn addiction, your teen will experience intense cravings for porn. To make it easier to resist temptation, take steps to limit your teen’s access to the internet for at least three to six months. You might provide your child with a feature phone (rather than a smartphone), for example, so he can’t use his mobile device to view porn. Other steps you could take include installing content filters on computers your child has access to and disconnecting the internet at night.
5. Seek help from a mental health professional.
Most teens – including those who are struggling with pornography use – feel awkward and embarrassed when discussing sexual topics with family members. Having access to guidance from an objective third party, such as a therapist or psychologist, is therefore invaluable in tackling porn addiction. A mental health professional can help your teen get to the root of the emotional issues he’s masking with pornography use and give him evidence-based tools for managing cravings.
Though the plasticity of the adolescent brain makes teens especially susceptible to porn addiction, it also allows them to quickly learn new and better ways of managing their emotions. With enough help and support, most teens can make a full recovery from porn addiction and go on to form healthy, meaningful adult relationships.
