Though positive feelings play a big role in how we learn—providing a sense of reward and satisfaction—the importance of negative emotions shouldn’t be overlooked. Uncomfortable feelings often teach children essential lessons, and learning to manage these emotions early on can create the foundation for lifelong stability and success. Processing and contextualizing negative emotions helps kids become more resilient, thoughtful, and aware. Still, this process isn’t always a smooth one: Children frequently struggle to identify their feelings (and figure out what’s causing them), especially when they’re very young. As such, they often require parental guidance in order to successfully analyze themselves and learn how to control their reactions. By understanding the role that different negative emotions play in your child’s development, you can help him turn uncomfortable feelings into valuable learning experiences.
5 Negative Emotions and What They Teach Us
1. Anger
Kids are often quick to anger; their low frustration tolerance and poor impulse control results in a chronically short fuse. Though frequent temper tantrums are challenging for parents to deal with, these outbursts are necessary cautionary tales: Getting angry teaches kids that their actions have consequences that can’t always be undone. Hurting a sibling or breaking a favourite toy in a fit of rage, for example, induces feelings of guilt and regret, causing your child to reevaluate how he reacts to stressful situations. If these episodes of anger are followed by calm discipline and compassionate communication, your child will build greater empathy and reinforce his resolve to avoid hurting others.
Children use anger to learn how to assert themselves, too. Getting mad can clarify what a child does—and doesn’t—want, helping him to establish preferences and set boundaries. Anger over perceived injustice is also integral to building strong moral values.
2. Fear
Fear serves as a warning system, helping us to safely navigate the world around us. As kids get older, they must learn how to evaluate risks, identifying which ones are worth taking and which ones will only put them in unnecessary danger. Overcoming perceived threats, like the fear of failure or imaginary monsters under the bed, helps kids feel brave and self-reliant. Learning how to avoid genuinely hazardous situations, on the other hand, gives kids the skills they’ll need to stay safe as adults.
3. Sadness
As parents, we’re constantly trying to make sure that our kids are as happy as possible. Nevertheless, at some point, kids need to learn how to take charge of their own happiness—and this requires experiencing (and working through) sadness. By developing healthy coping strategies for sadness, kids equip themselves with the tools they’ll need to become resilient adults. In addition to providing comfort when your child is feeling low, ask him for ideas about what might help him pick himself up again. By sketching out a plan for happiness, your child will identify ways to manage and overcome even complex feelings of sorrow.
Sadness, if handled correctly, can also teach kids perspective and lay the groundwork for lifelong optimism. By experiencing periods of sadness and then emerging from them, kids learn that bad times don’t last forever. Sometimes, they’re an uncomfortable stepping stone that leads to even better things.
4. Boredom
Learning how to manage boredom productively is more important than many parents realize. Research shows that kids who have a very low tolerance for boredom typically have more behavioural issues later in life, including a tendency to take impulsive risks. Rather than striving to keep your child constantly entertained, collaborate with him to generate ideas for activities when boredom strikes. If there’s nothing your child wants to do, encourage him to embrace his boredom as a time for introspection and relaxation. Having some “quiet time” is necessary for reflection and self-discovery, and it’s through this self-discovery that children learn how to motivate themselves.
5. Grief
Watching a child experience grief is extremely difficult. Grief is deeper and more enduring than simple sadness, often arising after significant loss. Though parents instinctively want to protect their children from the harsh realities of life and death, this approach is neither realistic nor helpful. Instead, it’s essential that you teach your child how to grieve in a way that’s healthy and complete.
Without guidance, children tend to internalize grief, which can lead to mental health issues (like depression or PTSD) later in life. Parents must therefore help their grieving child find an outlet for his feelings; if your child has lost someone, reassure him that it’s OK to cry and feel confused or angry. You should also let him know that it’s normal to miss the person who has departed and feel lost without them. If your child struggles to verbalize his feelings, encourage him to use a creative outlet, like art or writing, to explore them. Younger children may also benefit from using role playing exercises to voice their feelings. Finally, remember that after any major loss, professional counselling is strongly recommended.
Learning to Live with Uncomfortable Feelings
Negative emotions are an inevitable part of life—one we need to accept and work through with patience, compassion, and self-insight. As your child learns how to manage uncomfortable feelings, help him identify situations that trigger anger, fear, or sadness, and work with him to develop healthy coping strategies. Make sure your child knows that he always has a choice in how he responds to his feelings; he doesn’t have to lose his temper every time he gets mad, or panic whenever he’s worried about something. Though we can’t control the world around us, we can control how we react to it. We can strive to turn bad situations into opportunities for personal growth and interpersonal connection, sowing the seeds of future happiness.
