Overview
Death is an inevitable part of life. In some cases there is the unfortunate occurrence of a child that loses a parent, caregiver, or loved one at an age where death is not truly understood. It can be difficult for some adults to deal with death so it stands to reason that death will affect children in a noticeable way. Each child will deal with grief in their own way but all children will likely need support and guidance when dealing with grief.
Grief does not always have to be paired with an actual death but can also happen when there is a marked loss in the life of a child. Having a grandparent with Alzheimer’s, a best friend moving away, or an important teacher leaving can all create feelings of loss and grief in a child. The stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is no set order in which a person can go through these stages. A grieving person might go through different stages in a day or over a year; they may skip stages, overlap stages, and also repeat them. Grief has no time limit and feelings of grief can reoccur long into the future, after successful healing. How well someone recovers from grief often depends on their social and family support system as well as a return to normalcy and a familiar schedule.
Diagnosis
You might not always know that your child is going through grief. Your child may also not know that the emotions they are experiencing are due to grieving a loss. Signs that your child or teen is going through grief are not always obvious and can often be contradictory. A child may be extremely clingy and afraid to allow loved ones out of sight while other children might push loved ones away and cause arguments. You may notice excessive crying in situations that usually would not call for such emotions, becoming easily irritated, aggressive, or laughing at inappropriate times. While in the denial stage they may pretend as though their loved one did not die or that their loss did not happen. They might continue to set the table for them or get upset if someone sits in the favorite spot of the person that is no longer there. You might hear conversations in which the child talks to the deceased or claims the person will soon return. During the anger stage the child might attempt to place blame on themselves or others. They could also show anger towards the person that is gone. They could express feelings of hate, could self harm due to feeling responsible, or simply lash out towards others. During the bargaining stage a child might promise to be good if the person comes back. Similarly, they may promise to wreak havoc until the person returns. The depression stage is marked with flat affect, no desire for pleasurable experiences, eating too much or not eating at all, and excessive or diminished sleep. They may show a deep sadness or could even feel compelled to commit suicide to be with their lost loved one. Acceptance may be fleeting or long lasting during grief. A child might come to terms with the death and begin living their normal life again. It is common, though, for the child to cycle through the stages again with some overlap possible.
Treatment
Treatment for grief does not have to be in the form of professional counseling. It might just be necessary for the child to have a trusted friend to talk to or a journal to write in. Some children will express feelings through art, music, dance, or other hobby. It is always helpful to have someone explain death or loss to the child in an age appropriate way that is concrete and without too many metaphors. It is important that the child understand the extent of the loss and in the case of death, that it is final. If the entire family is dealing with grief, it is best that counseling is sought so everyone can handle their grief individually and as a family.
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