It is hard to know what to do when your child is exhibiting aggressive behavior. Aggression in children may be demonstrated through verbal intimidation of other children, disruption of their classes in school, defiance of teachers and parents, outward displays of anger or resentment, or physically aggressive actions. Physical aggression is not limited to hitting or hurting other children, and may include throwing things, slamming doors or destroying objects. Regardless of the severity of the problem, intervention is necessary for aggressive children. If no intervention occurs, these children may develop Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder, both serious mental health issues.
Aggression in children is caused by a combination of factors, including genetic or temperamental predisposition, the presence of a neurological condition (e.g., ADHD, LD, Autism), stress, lack of knowledge of appropriate coping or conflict resolution strategies, and a poor ability to express and regulate their feelings. Many of these factors can be worked on together by parents and children. It is important to not accept a child’s aggression as simply a fact of life. While a child is small, their acts of aggression are correspondingly small and the damage limited, but as that child grows into an adult man or woman, their acts of aggression have the potential to cause serious damage to other people and property, and perhaps even cause legal problems down the line. First, it is important to determine the causes of the child's aggressive behavior, as this knowledge is critical for selecting the most effective intervention. For example, if the cause is an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, then steps should be taken to reduce the child's discomfort by adjusting his environment and providing him with alternative ways to reduce stress as well as teaching him new social routines. However, if the aggression is related to a language-based Learning Disability, then the parents should help the child express his feelings verbally and through other mediums.
Here are some tips on how to help reduce your child’s aggressive behavior:
1. Be a good role-model. Children learn how to handle anger from their parents, so avoid physical punishment, such as hitting your child, or dragging them to their room for a time-out.
2. Reward their appropriate, non-aggressive behaviors every time you notice them. Children crave attention, and praise will reinforce the positive and appropriate behaviors you are hoping for.
3. Set up a behavioral contract. Let your child know exactly which behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not. Include a chart to track progress towards these goals, and set up a reward schedule for when the child reaches these goals. Rewards can include a treat, time playing together, or a special outing.
4. Teach your child appropriate behaviors, such as assertiveness, problem-solving, and decision-making skills as well as conflict resolution skills and social skills, and model these behaviors and skills yourself.
5. Play perspective-taking games. Aggressive children often perceive conflict where there is none, and games where you role-play other people may help your child see what the other party’s actual intent was. Role-play how to deal with conflict once it arises.
6. Eliminate sources of stress and anxiety for your child, as these may be contributing to your child’s aggressive behavior.
7. Know when to seek professional help. If your child is out of control, does not seem to show empathy, or is cruel to animals, you should seek professional help and guidance to determine how to help your child. A social emotional assessment may be required to establish the inner cause of your child's aggressive behavior. For more information on social emotional assessments please visit this page.
There are several things that parents need to remember when attempting to curb aggressive behavior in their children. The first is that behavior change takes time. It will not happen overnight, and may happen in very small steps that could escape your notice if you are not on the lookout for how your child is changing. It is also important to be consistent and follow through with each step you take to help your child be less aggressive. Patience and consistency will go a long way towards teaching your child that these new skills are important and need to be practiced outside in daily life.
Image Credit: Ryan Dickey at https://www.flickr.com/photos/meesterdickey/3764143203/
