Children today are raised with their social lives never far from reach, having access to wireless communication devices typically as soon as they reach school age. In an era when safety concerns are paramount and many households are eschewing the use of a land line, equipping even young children with mobile devices can feel more like a necessity than a luxury - but this new way of life has come with steep costs. Devices which represent a simple enhancement of convenience for most adults have fundamentally changed the lifestyles and social dynamics of modern youth in ways that parents struggle to understand.
Though problems like attention issues and dependency are troubling, the most disturbing trend of all related to the use of mobile technology has been the rapid increase in “cyber bullying”. Cyber bullying is notoriously insidious not only because a child carries access to his or her tormentor everywhere, but because children today face immense pressure to be online almost constantly. In order to remain accepted by their peers, most young people today have to engage with online social networks daily, often for hours a day; if they do not, they risk being ostracized. In essence, children face a choice between either being exposed to their online harasser(s) or being harassed at school for their failure to participate online - a situation parents must fully understand before attempting to limit internet access in a bid to protect their youngsters from harm. Cyber bullying should under no circumstances be left to progress unimpeded, but it requires a careful, thoughtful, and nuanced approach.
Why Intervention Is Necessary
Some parents make the mistake of viewing cyber bullying as being incapable of causing grievous harm as they feel their child is not in any direct physical danger; they may also believe that dealing with some amount of verbal taunting is, unfortunately, part of growing up. Parents may try to support their child emotionally but ultimately leave it up to him or her to resolve the issue, or they may suggest that their child grow a thicker skin in preparation for dealing with the adult world.
These approaches, though usually well-intended, are short-sighted; cyber bullying can, in some ways, have an even greater impact than traditional face-to-face bullying. Though the latter can be more frightening in an immediate way due to the implied threat of physical harm, the former has a deeper and more lasting psychological effect. When experiencing conventional bullying, a child can return home and access a “safe space” wherein it is possible to get respite from the bully and recover. A child experiencing cyber bullying, on the other hand, has no environment where the bully cannot enter, no place he or she cannot reach. Over time, this can become so distressing that the young person being targeted tries to escape through other means; sadly, several cases of teen suicide over the past several years have been attributed to online harassment.
Adding to this issue is the fact that cyber bullies tend to be incredibly persistent; unlike bullies operating in physical spaces, they are relatively free from the fear of repercussions. There is no teacher present to catch them in the act, as often happens in the event of schoolyard harassment, and parents and teens alike may be unsure as to the identity of the bully owing to the mask of anonymity that the internet provides. Complicating matters further, many young people hide the fact that they are being bullied online from their parents, both due to shame and the fear that if they speak up, their internet access may be removed. Parents must therefore learn to become vigilant for signs that their child is being bullied online, and they must also acquire the knowledge needed to come up with a plan to prevent the situation from escalating.
How Do I Know If My Child Is Being Bullied Online?
While there is no one definitive way to tell that your child is being harassed online, common indicators that bullying is occurring include:
- You notice your child has changed the way he or she uses technology—either avoiding it almost entirely or using it obsessively.
- Your child frequently seems subdued or upset after using his or her cell phone or computer; this is often coupled with apprehension any time a new text message, email, or notification is received.
- Your child is extremely careful to avoid having you see his or her phone or computer screen.
- Your child has begun to withdraw from friends and social activities (or has suddenly changed friends); his or her academic performance may also be suffering.
- Your child seems to have become withdrawn, irritable, and moody at home. He or she may also behave poorly, e.g. act out.
- Your child's sleep and/or eating habits have changed.
It is also important to be aware of the fact that some children are more likely targets for online harassment than others: Mental illness, learning disorders like ADHD, ODD, and Autistic Spectrum Disorder or Developmental Disability Disorder all make children more appealing victims for online bullies. If your child falls into the aforementioned categories, be especially vigilant and consider installing protective software, such as McAfee Parental Controls, eMailTrackerPro, or Predator Guard on your child's computer.
Supporting A Child Who Is Being Bullied Online
If you believe your child is being harassed online, keeping the lines of communication open is paramount to supporting him or her. This should not take the form of long lectures on the perils of online bullying or other such heavy-handed discussions; instead, try to spend quality time with your child and gently prompt him or her to open up, e.g. by asking the child to explain new technologies, why he or she is interested in social media, etc. Use positive reinforcement to encourage your child to keep sharing with you and assure your child that if he or she is ever having problems online, he or she is free to discuss them without fear of punishment or a loss of internet access.
When you do tackle the topic of cyber bullying, it's a good idea to create a printable “checklist” of online safety protocols and include the following precautions:
- Never post personal information (i.e. addresses, phone numbers, and images or videos that reveal your appearance) “publicly” while online. Never reveal information about where you live or how to contact you by phone or email to anyone you don't know in “real life.”
- Only give access to personal social media profiles and/or reveal instant messaging handles to people you know. Keep your security settings as tight as possible.
- Use public chat rooms with caution, and only do so after reviewing the security measures they offer.
- Understand that if you use services like Instagram and wish to post photos of yourself it is extremely important to take safety precautions, namely not revealing any location information. It is also strongly advised to keep such services “locked” so that only confirmed followers can view your accounts.
- If you are being harassed, either block the bully immediately or, if you cannot, contact the site administrator. If the problem persists, save evidence of the activity, tell an adult you trust about what is happening, and inform the bully that you will involve the police unless he or she ceases to harass you. Many police departments have units devoted to investigating cyber bullying so help is indeed available if you feel threatened.
Parents should also take the time to educate their children about the various forms cyber bullying can take: Stalking (repeated messages of a threatening or sexual nature), sexual coercion (where the victim is pressured to send nude or sexually provocative photos or videos to someone who often later shares them publicly), “flaming” (posting insulting messages, often on forums or in chatrooms), the sharing of personal information as a form of aggression (“outing”), social exclusion, and “masquerading.” Masquerading is a relatively rare and complex form of cyber bullying wherein a bully creates an elaborate false persona, sometimes going so far as to steal usernames and passwords in order to hijack another person's social networking accounts and from there engage in malicious activity.
To combat cyber bullying, it's important to both keep your own digital knowledge up to date and to interface with educators and other parents in order to remain informed of potential problems. If your child has been a victim of cyber bullying, connecting him or her with support services (e.g. counselling) is recommended.
