There are so many challenges for parents with autistic kids and tantrums are just par for the course. Whether you are in the sanctity of home or out in public, your child’s tantrums seem to broadcast your anxiety and insecurities as a parent. That sense of helplessness mixed with anger and embarrassment is never a good combination.
Without question, a tantrum is rough on everyone: child, parent, onlookers at the grocery store… To a passer-by the situation plays like a spoiled, rotten, little monster of a child with a side dish of shamefully bad parenting.
Well, you know the saying: “Never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
Understanding the Cause and Function of Tantrums and Meltdowns
Physically speaking, a tantrum can universally be described as shrieking, flexing of the body and flailing of arms and/or legs, and falling or throwing one’s self to the ground in fits of rage and discontent. Dr. Jean Mercer, Professor Emerita of Psychology at the Richard Stockton College of New Jersey states that a tantrum is dependent upon the motivation of a child at a given age.
Infants: may be hungry or in pain
Toddlers: under stress or tired
Pre-schoolers: testing their boundaries
School-aged and older: tantrums are translated to “meltdowns”
Mercer argues that the motivation of a child experiencing a tantrum is not to get one’s way but a form of communication which expresses anxiety and stress. More often than not, as adults we know our limitations and have the ability to say, “That’s it! I’ve had enough!” We take control of the situation or walk away, but sometimes, deep down, we want to throw ourselves to the ground and scream too. Many children do not have that ability yet.
It’s important to understand that tantrums, especially in toddlers and preschoolers, are often goal-oriented. The child is trying to achieve something, like getting a toy or avoiding a timeout, by having a tantrum. The outburst is a deliberate attempt to manipulate the situation to get what they want.
In contrast, autistic meltdowns are typically not goal-oriented. They are an involuntary reaction to being emotionally or sensorially overwhelmed. The autistic child is not choosing to have a meltdown in order to get something; rather, the meltdown is an expression of unmanageable stress and sensory overload. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns cannot be resolved by giving in to the child’s demands, since they are not intentionally using the meltdown as leverage. The best response is to help the autistic child calm down and reduce the sources of stress and stimulation.
So while tantrums and meltdowns may look similar on the outside, it’s important to understand the different motivations and purposes behind these behaviours in order to respond appropriately. Tantrums aim to achieve goals, meltdowns aim to express overload. Keeping this distinction in mind will help parents and caregivers understand and support an autistic child experiencing a meltdown
Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
All children with disabilities experience frustration leading to tantrums, but those with ASD often have them with greater frequency. There are several factors that contribute to children with autism spectrum disorder having more temper tantrums than neurotypical children.
As previously mentioned, one major factor is sensory overload. Many autistic children have sensory processing difficulties and can easily become overwhelmed by too much noise, light, smells, textures, or other sensory input. This feeling of being overwhelmed can quickly lead to a meltdown or tantrum.
Another factor is potential reinforcement of tantrum behaviours. Some autistic children may learn that having a tantrum gets them what they want, at least in the short-term. This can lead to using tantrums as a maladaptive communication strategy. Parents and caregivers should be cautious not to reinforce tantrum behaviours.
In addition, many autistic children struggle with emotional and communication skill development. They may not have the skills to identify and express their feelings and needs in an appropriate way. The resulting frustration when needs go unmet can escalate into a tantrum.
Finally, even autistic children with good communication skills may struggle to communicate their needs effectively during times of high stress or overstimulation. Their attempts to communicate get lost in the midst of the tantrum. It’s important for parents to help teach and reinforce functional communication skills.
Understanding the unique factors that can contribute to tantrums in autistic children will help parents and caregivers better support their child’s needs and reduce tantrum behaviours. Patience, consistency and preventative strategies tailored to the individual child’s needs are key.
Analyzing the Reasons and Patterns Behind Temper Tantrums
When analyzing the causes behind a child’s tantrums, it can be helpful to think in terms of the Antecedent, the Tantrum Behaviour, and the Consequence (also known as the ABC model).
The antecedent is what happens right before a tantrum episode. This might be being told “no,” transitioning from an activity, or experiencing hunger, frustration or sensory overload. The antecedent triggers the tantrum behaviour.
The tantrum behaviour is what the child does during the tantrum, such as crying, screaming, hitting, or throwing oneself on the floor. This is the observable part of the tantrum that caregivers deal with in the moment.
The consequence is what happens after the tantrum behaviour occurs. This might be the child getting a toy or snack they wanted, avoiding an unpleasant task, or receiving comfort from a caregiver. The consequence can reinforce the tantrum behaviour.
Analyzing the ABC pattern can help identify the function or purpose behind a child’s tantrums. Experts recognize four common functions of behaviour in children:
Access - Tantrums with the intention to get something desired, like a toy or treat.
Attention - Tantrums that function to gain adult attention.
Escape - Tantrums that function to escape an unpleasant situation like a timeout.
Automatic Reinforcement - Tantrums that are self-reinforcing or function to relieve discomfort in the moment.
Understanding the antecedent, behaviour and consequence of tantrums, along with the common behavioural functions, provides insight into the reasons behind temper tantrums in children. This knowledge can inform strategies to minimize and redirect tantrum behaviours.
Strategies to Address and Prevent Tantrums in ASD
There are two possible ways of dealing with tantrums: a counting procedure and planned ignoring.
Counting Procedure: The parent or guardian may calmly take control when faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum by neither negative nor positive reinforcement. Count one number aloud in between the wailing followed by “you’re calming down” and hopefully by the time you reach ten, the tantrum is over long enough to ask what the child wants. This helps teach the child how to ask for something appropriately. There is one downside to this method and that is if your child has echolalia.
Planned Ignoring: This method may be used especially when the child thrives on attention. The key to success is making sure everyone stays consistent. Do not reward the child in tantrum but ignore the outburst; lavish praise when they behave appropriately; keep yourself occupied so the child knows their method is not working, and lastly, give positive reinforcement.
The only time one should intervene during a tantrum is when the child is hurting either themselves or others.
In addition to these in-the-moment strategies, preventing tantrums in children with ASD requires recognizing triggers and warning signs ahead of time. Many autistic children are sensitive to sensory overload, emotional overwhelm, transitions, schedule changes, hunger, fatigue and other sources of stress. Noticing signs of irritation, agitation or shutdown can cue parents and caregivers to intervene with calming strategies before a meltdown occurs.
Having a toolbox of calming techniques like calming music, noise-canceling headphones, deep breathing, weighted blankets, fidget toys and scheduled quiet time can help prevent tantrums. Removing the child from overstimulating environments, validating their emotions, and teaching coping skills are also proactive strategies.
Being proactive also means recognizing antecedent causes and planning ahead to avoid tantrum triggers. Maintaining a predictable daily routine, building in sensory breaks, preparing the child for transitions, and ensuring basic needs are met can go a long way in preventing tantrums. Catching the warning signs early and having preventative tools available are key for autism parents.
The Fire Analogy
Another thought is comparing a tantrum to that of a fire. Since childhood we’ve learned to stop, drop, and roll if we are on fire. As the person in control, you can prevent the smoke from turning into fire by staying vigilant of your child’s tantrum triggers. That doesn’t imply that tantrums will disappear completely. Here are the three steps.
Stop: Hit the pause button on yourself. If you are yelling, stop. If you are pacing, stop. Sometimes situations will escalate because your autistic child is feeding off your energy.
Drop: Drop your voice and stance. By physically relaxing you are regaining control and taking charge of the situation in a calm manner. This allows your child a buffer from sensory overload.
Roll: There is that old saying, ‘to roll with the punches.’ When your child is perplexed and you are frustrated sometimes the best thing to do is go to your separate corners and take a breather.
This is not to imply that you are giving up on the child or letting them win. Empowering your child gives them a sense of control in a world where they are overwhelmed. Once the household is calm again, those previous issues can be revisited with less resistance.
Expert Recommendations for Triggers
Pediatrician Dr. William Sears has three suggestions: To practice attachment parenting, minimize triggers, and be aware of your own anger buttons to prevent tantrums in the first place.
Attachment parenting: For infants who are carried a lot, parents are more sensitive to their child’s needs thereby intuitively catering to the needs of their child. Sears believes the child then operates from an inner peace with better coping ability. Parents of an older child can learn to stay emotionally in tune with their child, thus responding to their subtle needs.
Minimize triggers: Keep a tantrum diary and track them on a behaviour chart. Knowing when and where the triggers occur can help change your actions and prevent meltdowns.
Your anger buttons: If you have a short temper then finding out what sets you off can be lead to more mature responses. Their behaviour is a direct reflection of how you react to your child.
In addition to these parenting approaches, experts often recommend therapeutic strategies to understand, prevent and redirect tantrum behaviours in autistic children. These include:
- Functional behavioural assessment to identify triggers and functions of tantrum behaviours. This informs treatment plans.
- Reinforcement strategies to reward positive behaviours and minimize reinforcement of tantrums. Praise, stickers, extra play time can encourage good behaviour.
- Functional communication training to replace tantrums with appropriate communication skills to express wants and needs. Modeling and practice is key.
- Visual schedules and supports to build predictability and routine.
- Social narratives to teach coping skills and self-regulation.
- Sensory integration therapy to address sensory triggers.
With professional guidance, parents can implement therapeutic strategies at home to minimize tantrum triggers and foster positive behaviours in their autistic child. Tracking progress and adjusting approaches is key to find what works best for each unique child.
Proactive Measures in Caring for a Child with Autism
Look for pre-tantrum signals, like body language, and nip them early. Frustration is a part of life. Finding the balance of when to let your child work through an issue and when to intervene is challenging but it empowers you child to find coping mechanisms that work for them. This is especially crucial for children on the autism scale.
Parents can also take proactive measures to avoid tantrum triggers altogether. Being aware of a child’s basic needs that could trigger a tantrum is important. Hunger, fatigue, discomfort, or a perceived urgent need can all lead to meltdowns if not addressed proactively. Ensuring proper nutrition, rest, health and as much predictability as possible is key.
Situational events are another major tantrum trigger for autistic children. Changes to daily routines, transitions, new environments, cancelled activities, unwelcome tasks and interruptions can all spark tantrums. Being sensitive to the event triggers and preparing an autistic child ahead of time by explaining changes, providing visual schedules, or building in familiar activities can help minimize reactivity.
Parents may also consider collaborating with teachers and relatives to maintain consistency across different settings. The more proactive parents can be about anticipating needs and situations that could overwhelm the child, the fewer opportunities for tantrum behaviours to emerge. Staying one step ahead is an effective tantrum prevention strategy.
Focus on Positive behaviours
In addition to trying to minimize tantrum triggers, an effective strategy for parents is to actively focus on positive behaviours. When a child exhibits desirable behaviours like using words, engaging calmly with others, or tolerating transitions, it is important to take notice and offer encouragement and praise. Recognizing and positively reinforcing good behaviour motivates children to continue.
Parents might offer rewards like special treats or activities for reaching behaviour goals. Tangible reinforcement like stickers or points that can be exchanged for prizes work well for some children too. Verbal praise, high fives, and hugs also reinforce positive behaviour. It is key that the reinforcement is motivating and rewarding for the individual child.
Parents can also introduce alternative activities that are less likely to lead to tantrums. If toy sharing always causes fights, setting up a different engaging activity may divert the situation. Having appropriate outlets for energy, safe sensory activities, and fun bonding experiences minimizes boredom and frustration, reducing the likelihood of tantrums. Focusing on positive behaviours and alternatives creates opportunities for children to succeed and feel empowered.
Reflection and Perspective
If tantrums seem to be a constant occurrence, try to step back and look at the situation with objective eyes. It will not be easy especially when you are faced with a complete meltdown, and perhaps on the verge of your own. An autistic child is very literal. Giving in to their tantrum demands only reinforces that they will get what they want with inappropriate behaviour. Is it easier to give in? Most of the time yes, but consider the long-term repercussions of taking the easy way out. Immediate satisfaction instantly trains them to misbehave, which is far more difficult for an autistic child to unlearn.
You are the key to open the gates for your child. It is through your experience and maturity where they learn to best handle controversy. Can you be the good example?
References:
- Fitzpatrick SE. Tantrums vs. meltdowns: key distinctions in autistic children. J Pediatr Nurs. 2016 Jul-Aug;31(4):364-9.
- Hodgetts S, Nicholas D, Zwaigenbaum L. Home sweet home? Families’ experiences with aggression in children with autism spectrum disorders. Focus Autism Other Dev Disabl. 2013;28(3):166-74.
- Rice CE, Rosanoff M, Dawson G, Durkin MS, Croen LA, Singer A, et al. Evaluating changes in the prevalence of the autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). Public Health Rev. 2016;37:2.
- Bearss K, Johnson C, Smith T, Lecavalier L, Swiezy N, Aman M, et al. Effect of parent training vs parent education on behavioural problems in children with autism spectrum disorder: a randomized clinical trial. JAMA. 2015 Apr 21;313(15):1524-33.
- Wong C, Odom SL, Hume KA, Cox AW, Fettig A, Kucharczyk S, et al. Evidence-based practices for children, youth, and young adults with autism spectrum disorder: a comprehensive review. J Autism Dev Disord. 2015 Jul;45(7):1951-66.
This is an update to the original post "How To Control Temper Tantrums In Children With Autism" published on Nov 15, 2014
