For the parents of overweight children, every day is a balancing act; on one hand, there is the natural desire to show one's child unconditional love and acceptance - no matter his size - and on the other hand, there is the knowledge that obesity carries with it serious health risks and cannot be simply left untreated. There are emotional repercussions to factor in as well: Children who are overweight or obese are frequently marginalized in ways that can negatively affect their sense of self-worth long into adulthood.
Fortunately, with research and dedication, it is possible to create a weight loss plan which factors in both your child's physical needs and his emotional needs. With the right encouragement, your child may even begin to proactively engage with the weight loss process in a way that builds his self-confidence.
How Does Obesity Impact A Child's Self-Esteem?
The self-esteem of obese children comes under attack early on in life; research suggests that children as young as six may begin to associate negative stereotypes with excess weight, largely due to the influence of the media. Over the years, this initial damage is often compounded by:
- Bullying and social stigma. Though not all overweight children are unpopular, the self-consciousness many overweight children feel by the time they reach school age predisposes them to social awkwardness. This, coupled with social stigma surrounding being overweight, makes them likely targets for bullying. It's also important to keep in mind that even popular overweight children may feel social pressure due to their weight; for example, in order to “compensate” for being overweight, a child may pressure himself to become the “class clown” or to achieve flawless grades. Underneath their appearance of success, these children often continue to struggle with low self-worth.
- Depression and alienation. Because obese children feel markedly “different” from their peers, they often retreat socially, eventually becoming profoundly isolated. This, in turn, often causes depression, which complicates the issue of obesity.
- Emotional eating. Depressed children, like depressed adults, often attempt to seek comfort in food—a habit which can become very dangerous if not rectified. A child who becomes emotionally reliant on food may have difficulty controlling his eating later in life despite the development of serious health issues related to his weight. Additionally, emotional eating leads to the child feeling a deep sense of shame over his lack of control, which further deteriorates his self-esteem.
How Can I Help My Child To Lose Weight?
Before attempting to create a weight loss plan for your child, you should first establish that weight loss is in fact necessary; contrary to popular belief, there is no single calculation (e.g. the Body Mass Index) which can be used to definitively determine whether or not a child is significantly overweight. As children require adequate nutrition in order to grow and develop properly, limiting the caloric intake of a child who is not significantly overweight can have serious consequences, such as reduced bone mass.
The first step on your child's weight loss journey should therefore be a visit to his pediatrician; he or she will be able to assess your child's weight in a comprehensive manner, analyzing various factors like the child's age, height, eating habits, and activity level in order to determine what (if anything) needs to be changed and how best to approach that change. He or she should then help you to craft a weight loss plan that is tailored to your individual child (note that your child should be encouraged to give feedback during this process).
In general, the same approaches to healthy weight loss that work with adults also tend to work well with children: Adhering to a low-glycemic diet rich in lean protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables, when combined with regular physical activity, often yields positive and sustainable results. Unless a doctor recommends otherwise, it's a good idea to steer clear of more “extreme” diets like the Atkins diet as they may not be balanced enough to meet your child's nutritional needs (and research also suggests that children have a harder time sticking to these kind of diets).
Parents also need to understand that combating their own fear is often essential to long-term success: Going overboard on discipline due to concerns for a child's heath and denying him the right to have occasional treats seldom helps him lose weight—instead, it usually encourages the “sneaking” of forbidden foods. Set realistic limits on the amount of junk food a child may consume and be firm with them, rather than strict, while encouraging your child to be honest if he does “slip up.”
Finally, it's important to know when to take a step back and ask for outside assistance: If, despite your best efforts, your child continues to struggle with his weight, involve outside intervention (e.g. a doctor or mental health professional) and to allow your child to liaise with that professional alone if preferred. Many children have a hard time speaking freely in front of their parents, so getting to the root of the emotional issues that are driving a child to make poor food choices may necessitate some one-on-one time with a specialist. Parents should not under any circumstances take this as a sign that they have “failed” in any way; weight problems are often driven by issues which are out of a parent's control, such as bullying and/or a lack of peer acceptance. (It should be noted that facilitating the development of positive peer involvement is often key to a successful weight loss strategy, particularly if the child is a preteen or adolescent, so you should consider helping your child to find peers who are sharing his journey.)
How Do I Talk To My Child About Losing Weight?
Regardless of what kind of weight loss plan you and your paediatrician create, it's inevitable that you will have to manage the follow-through at home, and this means discussing weight and weight loss with your child. As this is a delicate topic and children are often extremely sensitive to anything that feels like judgement or disapproval from their parents, it's vital to have a strategy in place before conversing with your child about his weight. When discussing weight loss with your child, you should:
- Keep the focus on health, not the scale. Children who become fixated on the numbers they see on the scale easily become discouraged; not only does body weight tend to fluctuate naturally, obsessing over the scale teaches children to attach an unhealthy amount of their self-worth to a set of numbers. This, in turn, can lead to a negative cycle of self-criticism and shame which can actually increase a child's tendency to eat for comfort.
Parents should instead use the scale only as a general guide for assessing their child's progress and keep the child focused on his health. Try explaining, using age-appropriate language, how eating more nutritious food can lead to a longer and happier life, and emphasize to your child that you want him to have the best life possible because you love him.
- Engage with your child rather than nag. Modelling healthy behaviour and spending time with your child while engaging in healthy behaviour is ultimately far more effective than nagging him to change. Going on active family outings (e.g. rollerblading, swimming) and doing things like cooking healthy meals together and planning healthy snacks gives your child the social affirmation he needs to stay motivated while also showing him that you and he are a “team” (whereas nagging tends to make children view their parents as adversaries). The more fun a healthy lifestyle is for your child, the more likely it is that he will maintain that lifestyle over a long-term.
- Celebrate success. Make sure that your child knows you're proud of him for his efforts and remember that there's nothing wrong with rewarding him as he achieves milestones. (Note that even food-based rewards, in moderation, are acceptable—your child should not be made to feel that food is the enemy, but rather that it's something to be sensibly managed.)
- Be an active listener. Your child needs to know that you empathize with the struggles he is facing as he attempts to create a healthier lifestyle. Encourage your child to communicate, e.g. by asking open-ended questions, and show him that you understand the various pressures he is facing from peers, the media, and so on. Always thank your child for sharing when he does open up. Additionally, you should try to give your child critical thinking strategies so that he can begin to dismantle marketing tactics present in the media on his own.
- Avoid using labels. When you use labels like “fat” or “heavy” your child automatically feels judged (regardless of your intentions) as these words come loaded with negative connotations. While it's inevitable that you will have to discuss your child's weight, it's better to use more general phrasing, e.g. “You weigh a bit more than someone your height should.” (Note that this is especially important if you are a normal weight; overweight children with normal weight parents tend to automatically feel “lesser” and have heightened fears of parental judgement.)
- Tackle the problem in small increments. Children, especially young children, are easily overwhelmed by complex, far-reaching endeavours. As such, you should break the weight loss process down into small, specific steps (“walk half an hour each day,” “Eat an apple after school rather than chips,” etc.), giving your child adequate time to make each new step into a habit before adding new ones.
Though it can feel daunting to help an overweight or obese child get his weight back on track, with the right focus on overall health and well-being, it's fully possible to raise a child who emerges from the weight loss journey more knowledgeable and confident than many of his peers. A child who has successfully learned to manage his weight and to see through the media's manipulative tactics will enter adulthood primed with the tools he needs to make good health a lifelong commitment.
