If you find yourself concerned about your child's tendency to give up in frustration and proclaim himself unable to complete tasks or engage socially with his peers, the skill of metacognition — a technical term used to describe the act of understanding your thought process — may be able to help. Metacognition allows children to deconstruct challenging situations, figuring out why they are stuck, which part of a given task is the most frustrating to them, and what the reward will be if they rise above their frustration and tackle the problem effectively. When children learn to utilize this thought process, they can often independently make the transition from feeling defeated to having a “can do” attitude.
Metacognition is a foundation for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT, a therapeutic technique commonly used for treatment of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. Yet, for most adults, metacognition comes naturally; we spend much of our time reflecting on our own thoughts, seeking insight into our feelings, needs, and behaviours so that we might improve upon ourselves and experience a better personal and professional life. We try to review challenges and setbacks objectively so that we might plan better approaches to trying or dealing with unfamiliar situations. Children, on the other hand, tend to think in a more reactive, immediate manner, which can make them less proactive and more susceptible to feelings of failure. Fortunately, like all good habits, when metacognition is practiced early on in life, it takes root more quickly in a child's mind, leading to improved resiliency, better self-awareness, and higher self-esteem.
Metacognition: A Shift In Perspective
The key to teaching children metacognitive techniques is to get them to ask themselves, “Why am I feeling the way I'm feeling right now, and what can I do to change that?” For example, rather than making blanket statements like “I hate spelling tests” the child should be taught to wonder, “What is it about spelling tests that upsets me?” and then look for a solution. Children should also be taught that it's important to avoid labelling themselves as “good” or “bad” at a particular task; instead, they should analyze both their strengths and weaknesses in any given area and make a plan for how to maximize their strengths and overcome their weaknesses. Children must, in essence, be steered away from their habit of seeing small failures as indicative of fixed outcomes and be led to realize that change and growth are always possible.
Metacognition For Children With Learning Disabilities
Metacognition skills are particularly useful for children who have learning issues as they can help these children to better manage overwhelming situations and feelings of being inferior to their peers. If a child with ADHD, for example, is assigned a large project, his natural response is to balk immediately knowing that he will have a great deal of difficulty focusing long enough to complete the project on time. He may then label himself as being “bad” at that subject because it involves long projects.
If this child is taught better metacognition skills, however, he will be able to take a step back when he notices his own feelings of anxiety and reflect on what it is about his unique learning process that makes large projects difficult for him to complete. He may then be able to arrive at a solution himself (requesting an extended deadline, working with a “study buddy” to stay on track, or listing each step in the project before getting started), or he may ask an adult for advice. Once he arrives at an effective solution, he will know what approach to take in the future and no longer experience such extreme anxiety.
Some examples of helpful questions to ask a child with learning difficulties include:
- What do you think is making it hard for you to work on this assignment?
- Have you ever worked on a similar assignment in the past? If so, what helped you to complete it?
- Is there anyone else in your class who shares your difficulties? Maybe you could ask them for advice or work together to solve the problem.
Metacognition For Better Emotional Regulation And Self-Esteem
Because of their inherently reactive way of thinking, many children struggle to regulate their emotions; this can limit their ability to manage difficult situations and take on unfamiliar challenges.
Research suggests that when encouraging children to tackle overwhelming situations, parents often have better luck if they avoid lavish praise (e.g. praising the talent and potential of a child who is struggling to learn to play a musical instrument) and instead tell the child that his willingness to work hard and persevere in the face of adversity is laudable. Rather than striving for an inherent talent he feels he lacks and becoming increasingly frustrated, he will then focus on figuring out how to work harder and more effectively at overcoming the challenges he is experiencing.
The “fixed” mindsets (e.g. focusing on inherent qualities like “being talented” or “being smart”) children often have easily lead to negative self-talk, to developing a critical inner voice which assesses and judges their performance. Children may not even realize that this inner critic is harmful, instead seeing it as a kind of guide, safeguard, or motivator; all the while, its insidious influence erodes their self-esteem. It is therefore important to take note when your child seems discouraged and help him to tackle the issues metacognitively, replacing the negative inner voice with a more objective, solution-oriented view of the situation. To facilitate this, you should ask your child certain types of questions:
- Open-ended questions. “Closed” questions clearly imply there is one right answer, limiting a child's thought process, whereas open-ended questions encourage him to think more about his feelings. Open-ended questions include asking a child things like, “Why are you feeling frustrated right now?” and “Can you tell me why you just made that remark?”
- Non-judgemental and solution-oriented questions. Rather than blaming your child as soon as he acts out, try asking him to think about his behaviour: Why did he throw a tantrum when told to go to bed on time? How could he handle the same situation differently in the future?
- Process-oriented questions. Help your child to gain a better understanding of how his thought process works by asking questions such as, “How will you know when you're finished drawing that picture?”
As when teaching children any new skill, parents who are encouraging their children to adopt metacognition skills must remember to be patient; mindful habits like objective self-reflection tend to be lifelong learning processes, and even the most aware child will have tantrums and feel the need to test parental boundaries. But with time and practice, metacognition will lead to a more peaceful and productive life at home, at school, and with friends.
