In many households, the mere word “homework” is dreaded. Both parents and children want nothing more than to wind down and relax after a long day, but instead they regularly find themselves locked in a battle of wills over the necessity of doing homework. Parents in this situation try everything from coaxing and pleading to yelling and threatening the removal of privileges, often to no avail; indeed, they may spend so much time arguing with their children about homework that the majority of the evening is spent debating rather than working. Making matters worse, some children learn to intentionally start arguments knowing that they may present an opportunity to wear down their parents, causing them to eventually relent and surrender their expectations.
Some children have a legitimate reason to be obstinate where homework is concerned, e.g. a learning disability which makes completing it especially arduous, while others are simply strong-willed and resent their free time being taken away from them. However, whatever your child's reason for wishing to avoid homework, it's essential that you not give in to frustration and let your child off the hook; not only will failing to follow through on homework create problems for your child academically, it often sets a bad precedent where the child is taught that she can manipulate her way out of being accountable and responsible.
To help ensure that your child completes her homework with as little hassle as possible, try using the following techniques:
- Stay calm. Once a parent loses his or her cool the child usually gets the upper hand in the situation; for example, she may be able to use the parent's guilt to her advantage and wheedle her way out of completing the work. Parents who are emotional also make poor choices, such as getting so fed up that they complete their child's homework on her behalf, or they may become overly critical or set unrealistic, inconsistent expectations. In the end, all of this excess emotion serves only one purpose: It distracts both parent and child from the task at hand.
- Make sure to set clear, consistent rules where homework time is concerned. As soon as your child is old enough to have homework she should be taught to make it a part of her daily schedule. Set aside the same time every evening (or afternoon on weekends) for her to do her homework, preferably in the same place, and let her know that you expect her to complete her homework on time and to the best of her abilities.
- Try to attune the rules surrounding homework to your child's unique learning style: Does she work best with frequent short breaks, or does she prefer to focus intently and get things done as quickly as possible? Is she good at organizing her own homework schedule, or does she work better if her parents step in and help her break down large tasks into smaller pieces? Does she like to work alone while simply being “monitored” by her parents, or does she work better with hands-on guidance? It's important to work with your child while still making sure that she adheres to your expectations.
- Communicate with your child's teacher. It's important to establish a positive relationship with your child's teacher so that he or she can keep you informed about your child's academic progress. Your child's teacher will also be able to offer insights into areas your child is struggling with, areas where she excels, and her personal learning style.
- If you have more than one child, try to coordinate their homework activities. If possible, have all of your children sit down to do their homework at the same time and have them work through similar activities (e.g. start with math, then English, and so on). Provide snacks to keep your children energized and to add a positive connotation to the homework period. If one of your children tends to complete homework more quickly than the others, make sure that he or she leaves the area and does something quiet and non-disruptive. (Note that you and your partner should also avoid noisy activities during homework time.)
- If your child is overwhelmed by a task, offer help. Large projects and major tests can be very intimidating for a child, so much so that the child may balk and find it impossible to get started. Rather than being critical if you see your child struggling in this way, you should step in and offer to help the child get started; you can help her work through the first few problems until she feels more confident, or help her brainstorm a topic for her project, for example. At all times you should remain empathetic to the fact that your child may really be struggling (and you shouldn't hesitate to get in touch with her teacher if she seems to be having ongoing difficulties in a particular area; she may have an undiagnosed learning disability).
- Provide your child with the best mentor available. If you have a hard time helping your child with her homework, don't hesitate to assign someone else to the task of keeping her on track: Your partner, an older sibling, or even a neighbour or relative may be able to step in and help. Not everyone is a natural “teacher,” so don't feel ashamed if it's simply not your forte.
- Don't hesitate to offer rewards and incentives. The human brain is wired to understand cycles of “work and reward,” so offering your child an incentive for completing homework or getting good grades can be a powerful motivator. This incentive can take the form of a material object your child has long desired or the offer of a favourite activity, such as going to a theme park or seeing a movie she loves. If you can integrate spending some loving, meaningful time with your child into the reward, it will likely have an even greater impact on your child. (Note that unless your child is saving up for something truly special, money is often not an ideal reward; children tend to spend money quickly and impulsively and receiving money is less affirming than time spent with a parent.)
Though few children will grow to truly “enjoy” doing homework, if parents utilize the strategies outlined above, many children can learn to accept its place in their lives and even develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments. Meanwhile, they will be learning habits of self-discipline and accountability that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.
