Before human beings learn to communicate verbally, they communicate physically; as infants, we point to objects we wish to have in our possession, we cry to express distress, we smile and laugh to show joy. Gestures, eyes contact, and other forms of body language are an integral part of the early relationships we form, both with family members and with other children. Researchers today believe that this nuanced face-to-face interaction is largely responsible for developing our “Emotional Intelligence”: the skills which enable us to succeed socially in diverse situations throughout our lives.
As the digital age advances, however, this important period of “real time” interaction is being increasingly encroached upon by technology; by the time many children hit their preteen years, the bulk of their socialization is occurring on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media outlets online.
Understandably, many parents grow concerned by this; they did not grow up with similar technology, so they have no way to relate to what their children are experiencing, and no way to predict what effect this amount of digital socialization will have on them.
Adding to the anxiety, there are few means of limiting this influence; virtual world has by now become omnipresent, irrevocably entwined with our daily lives. In our thirst for convenience, fluid communication, and access to limitless information, we have enmeshed the digital with the physical to the fullest possible degree, and we show no signs of slowing this trend. In most regards, it has greatly improved our quality of life.
At the same time, however, our basic physiology has not altered; our brains still heavily rely on connections with others in order to feel happy and satisfied, to achieve an optimal state of well-being—and it is precisely these connections which the digital sphere has altered the most profoundly.
On one hand, the internet has facilitated us making connections far more easily than we could in the past; we can meet new people all over the world and have the means to restore lost relationships. We can communicate with everyone in our networks almost instantaneously, and the whole focus of the relationship is placed upon communication—leading to greater complexity and, in some ways, greater enrichment. Frequently those who struggle to find a sense of belonging among their peers in “real life” seek solace online, and discover the acceptance they crave.
On the other hand, online relationships can be dismantled just as easily—and quickly—as they are put together. Negative traits, beliefs, and opinions may be rapidly spread around and blown out of proportion, and normal facets of real-time interaction, such as sarcasm, may go over very poorly in an arena where there are no body language cues to make one's harmless intent clear. Likewise, “normal” ranting, venting, and emoting may come off as needlessly harsh when expressed in text form, alienating friends just when one most needs their support.
On the internet, almost every aspect of human behaviour becomes magnified--the psychological distance inherent in the medium removes our sense of public accountability, along with some of our fear of consequence, and shields us from the normal social-emotional feedback we would otherwise receive from facial expressions and body language cues. Unfortunately, this makes it easier for many people to use offensive language and stoop to reprehensible behaviour.
It is this “powder keg” effect that parents need to remain particularly vigilant of, as research shows that teenagers largely lack the ability to say “It’s just the internet; I can turn it off any time I want to.” Teens typically become anxious or stressed upon severing contact with their online social life; not knowing what is going on online is just as difficult for them as witnessing negative events. Adding to this pressure, many teens have online social lives which heavily intersect with their physical social lives, so there is often a very real possibility that online hostility will bleed over into real life.
Balancing the Influence of Cyberspace
While parents cannot plausibly shield their children from the online world, there are a variety of steps they can take to balance out its more volatile effects on young people, such as:
-Encourage children to engage in activities with their peers which necessitate physical presence. Sports are an excellent option (they require that young people be wholly physically involved in what they are doing, forcing a disconnect from smartphones, tablets, etc.), but even shopping trips, outings to the movies, and other such leisure activities are helpful. Teenagers whose social lives are not entirely supplanted by the online world are more likely to be able to step away from virtual world when it becomes stressful.
-Encourage preteens and teens to develop a sense of identity which relies primarily on the “real world”. One of the greatest possible damages that may be done to a preteen or teen via socializing online too frequently is the loss of identity that sometimes accompanies a reliance on social media. Young people may come to depend too heavily on their social media presence for a sense of self (and thus self esteem), and so become unhealthily consumed by the online sphere. Teens must be taught that “likes” and “shares” on various social media sites are not the sum total of their value as people, and that online popularity is inherently ephemeral.
-Teach children to be accountable online. You can do a lot to prevent your child from getting into dramatic altercations online if you teach him or her to think about what he or she says before clicking the “send” button. Emphasize that once something is written online, it cannot truly be deleted; people can and will take screenshots, leading to one’s thoughtless words invariably coming around to haunt them. When children realize the implications of this properly, they will be far less likely to treat the internet as a “casual” medium where one may let loose freely.
While the above tactics will not entirely shield young people from the impacts of online socialization, they will give teens and preteens the required tools to keep virtual world in perspective, thereby limiting the scope of its influence on their developing identities.
Author: Anna Kaminsky
Article reviewed by Dr. Tali Shenfield on Aug 14, 2015
Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/suratlozowick/4461291567
