Helping Your Teen Cope With Depression

Dr. Tali Shenfield | May 2, 2016

Teen depression is notoriously difficult for parents to understand and manage; not only is telling the difference between normal moodiness and depression sometimes challenging, parents are confronted with the fact that they cannot simply intervene and protect their child as they would have when he or she was younger. While parents are an essential source of support, a teen—like an adult—often needs to face the problem and decide that he wants help before things can truly get better.

That being said, it's crucial that parents know how and when to put the wheels into motion if they suspect their teen is suffering from depression; timely intervention by a professional will both help to prevent serious complications and, in some cases, be able to restore the teen to a normal level of functioning. While depression in adolescents is complex, a teen showing three or more of the following signs at the same time is likely experiencing problems with his or her mood:

- Has your teen changed significantly in mood over the last few weeks or months, becoming sad or irritable most of the time?

- Do her hobbies and favourite pastimes no longer seem to interest her?

- Has your teen begun to eat or sleep much less, or much more?

- Does your teen appear tired and/or unmotivated much of the time?

- Has your teen expressed feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or irrational guilt?

- Have your teen’s grades suddenly dropped?

- Does your teen seem unusually distracted and unable to concentrate?

- Has your teen expressed thoughts of suicide? (If yes, this should be considered an emergency situation; seek help from a mental health professional immediately; if your teen seems likely to act on these thoughts, take her to the ER.)

Helping a Teen With Depression

As a parent, it's important not to go it alone—if your teen is experiencing depression, you will need professional assistance to manage his or her symptoms. There are, however, many ways in which you can support your teen at home as well:

Develop a stronger relationship with your teen. Patience is a key when dealing with a depressed teen; while it may feel frustrating to interact with someone who is moody or irritable much of the time, it's essential to retain your empathy and try to put yourself in your teen's shoes—remember, his emotions are probably a lot more unpleasant for him than they are for you. If your teen feels like he is being judged for being depressed, he is likely to isolate himself even more than he would otherwise (it's typical for teens with depression to socially retreat).

If you are concerned about how your teen is behaving due to his negative feelings, always validate his feelings before asking him to adjust his behaviour, and explain why the change in behaviour is both logical and for his benefit as well. If he doesn't agree with your suggestions, problem-solve with him; by giving him a sense that he is part of the solution you will help him to feel like he is in control of the situation, rather than feeling as though his depression is.

Be careful in how you express concern. Because parents fill an authoritative role and thus feel responsible for helping their teen overcome any and all challenges, they can be reactive when they express concern and heavy-handed when giving advice. This is usually due to guilt; many parents of depressed teens feel as though they must have failed their child at some point for him to end up feeling so negatively so much of the time, though this is often not the case.

If you do the above, your teen is likely to interpret it as a form of criticism; by trying too hard to “fix” him, you imply that he's broken. Instead, be gentle when you inquire about how he feels, and focus on listening rather than trying to somehow solve all his problems. Teens feel a deep need to be understood, so just showing you wholeheartedly wish to “get” what he's going through will give him a great deal of comfort.

Offer incentives to help motivate your teen. Rather than lecturing about how she “should” get out more or do more, try motivating your teen with small incentives; if there's a restaurant she particularly enjoys, for example, try offering to take her there if she comes with you on an errand. Keep outings and duties low-key and manageable, as well; individuals with depression are often easily exhausted or overwhelmed.

Affirm the positive. People with depression often have an exaggerated sense of failure; your teen is likely to see all that she is not doing due to her depression and forget what she is doing. Try to take the time to point out positive things in order to mitigate the effects of this negative focus; saying things like, “I'm so proud of you for continuing to go to school despite how badly you've been feeling,” and, “I really appreciate you helping with the dishes yesterday; I know how tired you've been, and it made my day a lot easier,” can go a long way toward letting your teen know that she is still accomplishing a lot in spite of her condition. You should also remind your teen how much you love her company; this will help her to feel that her presence is valuable.

Seeking Therapy for Your Teen

As much as you may wish to rush your teen directly into therapy as soon as you recognize that there is a serious problem, you need to be prepared for the fact that not every teen wishes to enter therapy. If your teen resists the idea, don't force him; make the necessary arrangements so that therapy is available, and let him know that he can go any time, then wait for him to come to you. He has to feel like it is his decision—remember, teens are desperately trying to prove their independence—and has to cooperate if the therapy is to be effective.

When looking for a therapist, it's a good idea to arrange for your teen to meet two or three rather than just one; your teen will need to find a therapist he likes in order to feel comfortable with therapy, and involving him in the choice process will also nurture his sense of autonomy and control. Many teens take readily to therapy once they have gotten past their initial misgivings and go on to lead much happier and more productive lives.

 

Image Credit: www.flickr.com/photos/merfam/71578640/

About Tali Shenfield

Dr. Tali Shenfield holds a PhD in Psychology from the University of Toronto and is a licensed school and clinical psychologist. She has taught at the University of Toronto and has worked at institutions including the Hospital for Sick Children, Hincks-Dellcrest Centre, TDSB, and YCDSB. Dr. Shenfield is the Founder and Clinical Director of Advanced Psychology Services.

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