When a child has a learning disability, assisting him or her in finding academic success often becomes the primary focus of parents and educators. While this is admirable and helpful to the child's well-being, it is no less important to manage how the learning disability may be affecting the child's emotional life as well.
Though not all children with a learning disability go on to struggle emotionally (it will greatly depend on the support networks available to them), many will at some point owing to feelings of being different, “less than”, etc., or due to the natural frustration that comes with finding usually routine or simple tasks difficult. If not addressed, such feelings can lead to children becoming so demoralized that they cease to try as hard at school, which inevitably limits their potential.
Parents should remain vigilant for the following signs of emotional turmoil:
- Increased sadness or irritability;
- Experiencing symptoms like headaches or stomach aches even when no physical illness is present;
- Negative behaviours, i.e. “acting out”;
- Heightened anxiety (this frequently manifests in academic situations, or as a hesitance to attend school altogether);
- Apathy, particularly in regards to school.
Parents of children with learning disabilities must be aware of the fact that a child who seems content at home but who acts out and misbehaves at school may be in a state of turmoil, rather than intentionally misbehaving for the sake of it. The reason for this lies in the child's need for a sense of identity; rather than be labelled the “dumb kid” at school, he will attempt to be labelled the “bad kid”, as this is perceived to be a less vulnerable role. Alternately, some children attempt to become the “class clown”.
If a child is exhibiting any of the above signs of distress, it's important that his or her parents familiarize themselves with the emotional issues most frequently experienced by children with learning disabilities - and their solutions. Here are some common problems children with learning disabilities face, along with workable strategies to help these children feel better:
1. Children perceive themselves as being “stupid”.
This is probably the most prevalent issue children with learning disabilities face, particularly before they are diagnosed, but sometimes afterwards as well. Fortunately, the solution is relatively straightforward: Children need to be made aware of what a learning disability actually is. Rather than being a hallmark of low intelligence, the term “learning disability” is used to describe those children who have an average (or higher) level of intelligence, but who are not performing up to their natural ability in a given area. Indeed, even gifted children may have learning disabilities. Once children understand this—that they have a specific issue, not an overall lack of intelligence—they can often put their learning disabilities into proper perspective.
Parents should also remember that their own attitudes often impact a child's self-perception; pushing too hard for perfection, being overly worried about a child's learning disability, or trying too hard to minimize it or gloss over it may negatively impact a child's self-esteem.
2. Children feel like the “odd one out” in class.
Children, especially older children and preteens, are very concerned with “fitting in”, which generally requires being more or less the same as their peers. Having a learning disability may therefore feel very alienating, particularly if the child has no friends or age-mates who are similarly affected by a learning disability.
In solving this issue, it's vital to work with a child's teachers; teachers often make mistakes which embarrass these children by accidentally singling them out (such as by asking them to answer a question in class, which reveals their difficulties in front of the other students). Parents should request that teachers be sensitive to their child's feelings and employ strategies like waiting for the child to raise his or her hand before selecting him or her to give an answer in front of the class.
When the child does answer, the teacher must make sure that his or her efforts are praised in front of the class; it's very important that children with learning disabilities receive positive attention at school lest they begin to think school is a place where only their deficits are highlighted. Positive attention also tends to limit negative behaviours, as children naturally wish to please adults, and will thus be less likely to act out in front of a teacher from whom they receive praise.
If a teacher truly needs to assess a skill which your child struggles with, such as oral reading, try to arrange for it to be done in a private setting. Likewise, work with your child and his or her teachers to establish a “code”, such as a subtle gesture, which can be used to signify when the child is feeling frustrated or overwhelmed.
If your child's needs cannot be met at his or her current school, consider a change of academic environment; it's better to act early and do whatever it takes to make school a positive environment for your child, rather than have his or her attitude toward school become irreparably damaged.
3. Children become worn out.
School is stressful for any child, but for those with learning disabilities, it can be downright exhausting; these children often must spend more hours on homework, study twice as hard as their peers, attend extra-curricular tutoring sessions, etc. As they progress through the grades and the work becomes harder, they may therefore experience burnout and/or begin to resent the fact that school is taking up so much of their lives, leaving them little time for other activities. Waning motivation and rebellion are often the inevitable result of being overworked in this manner.
To prevent exhaustion from setting in, parents should work with their child's teachers, therapists, and tutors to set modest, achievable goals; this puts the emphasis on creating many small successes in a row, so that the child feels like his or her work is creating tangible, positive results. Likewise, it's a good idea to establish ways for the child to take breaks, whether it's being allowed to go rest in the library when overwhelmed or take the occasional “mental health” day off from school to recuperate.
As a final note, in addition to employing the above strategies, it's essential to help your child find his or her unique talent or talents; he or she may be a gifted musician, for example, or a natural artist. By tapping into such strengths and nourishing them, you give your child a way to create a positive sense of identity, to stand out among her peers for her ability rather than disability, and to attain a sense of mastery and accomplishment which fosters the development of healthy self-esteem.
Image Credit: Pedro Klien (flickr.com/photos/pedroklien/5207791421/)
