This article helps parents navigate the emotional landscape of ADHD, including the triggers that may cause a child to shut down, as well as hidden signs of anxiety. It explains techniques for building confidence, resilience and self-regulation skills in ADHD children. While ADHD certainly affects emotions, through compassionate support and evidence-based strategies, the condition’s impact can be minimized. Every child deserves to feel emotionally stable, understood, and empowered.
If you suspect your child may have ADHD, the first step is to have them formally evaluated by a mental health professional. During an evaluation, the psychologist or psychiatrist will assess your child’s symptoms, how long they have been present, and the degree to which they impair daily functioning across multiple settings such as school and home. An accurate diagnosis is important for accessing the proper treatment and support strategies outlined in this article. If you would like to take our free online ADHD screening test, click here to get started.
ADHD and the Emotional Landscape in Children
When most people hear the phrase “attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,” they immediately think of cognition problems. They imagine a child who struggles to pay attention in class and stay organized, but who is otherwise a typical little boy or girl. However, this picture dramatically oversimplifies the reality of living with ADHD. Like other neurodevelopmental disorders, ADHD can profoundly affect both how a person thinks and how he (or she) feels. If you’re parenting a child with ADHD, it’s imperative that you recognize, understand, and respond correctly to these emotional differences.
Children with ADHD often struggle with emotional regulation and may experience emotional shutdowns. During these shutdowns, the adhd child shuts down emotionally as a coping mechanism when feeling overwhelmed.
If you’re parenting a child with ADHD, it’s imperative that you recognize, understand, and respond correctly to these emotional differences.
Self-Regulation and Emotional Regulation in Kids with ADHD
Children with ADHD experience the same general range of emotions as children without ADHD. Where they differ from neurotypical kids is in how they process their feelings. They frequently struggle to control their impulses and they often have difficulty fully comprehending and communicating their feelings. This can complicate their social and emotional lives in a number of different ways.
ADHD Emotional Dysregulation: Understanding Outbursts
As any parent of a child with ADHD knows, kids with this disorder are susceptible to having frequent outbursts of frustration and anger. This doesn’t happen because kids with ADHD are especially aggressive or violent, however. Instead, these children are prone to throwing tantrums and experiencing anger overload both because they “bottle up” their frustration (due to their inability to vocalize it) and because they have a lower stress tolerance than neurotypical kids.
During these tantrums or overload states, some children may completely shut down emotionally. This ADHD shutdown is a result of the child becoming overwhelmed and unable to handle any further stimulation.
The Impact of ADHD Impulsivity on Emotions
One of the primary symptoms of ADHD is impulsivity - acting spontaneously without considering potential consequences. This impulsivity directly contributes to the emotional regulation challenges common in ADHD. Impulsive children may blurt out inappropriate things or make careless choices that unintentionally hurt feelings, damage relationships, and negatively impact their emotions.
ADHD impulsivity also diminishes one’s ability to delay reactions when frustrated. Small annoyances are reacted to instantly without self-filtering. The child lashes out emotionally rather than taking pause. These explosive knee-jerk emotional reactions require later repair once impulses settle.
Likewise, setbacks or criticisms feel intensely painful and personal in the moment before logic sets in. Impulsivity amplifies sensitivity and reduces resiliency. Children with ADHD must work much harder to control their initial impulses in order to avoid regretful choices.
Parents can help diminish the emotional fallout from impulsive ADHD symptoms with the following strategies:
Create Cue Cards - Make small cue cards reminding your child to stop and think before reacting. Help them implement the “take five” rule before emotions run high.
Role Play - Set up scenarios that prompt impulsive reactions and coach your child through better responses in the moment. Praise stopping to think.
Brainstorm Consequences - Have your child write or discuss the potential consequences of beneficial vs impulsive choices when calm. Refer back later for guidance.
Reward Thoughtful Reactions - Positively reinforce every instance when your child demonstrates patience, considered decision making, and measured reactions. Progress takes diligent practice.
Model Self Regulation - Verbally narrate your own thought process when faced with frustration. Demonstrate effective self talk and impulse control.
While impulsivity presents distinct challenges for emotional regulation in ADHD, scaffolds that encourage self pause create space for emotions to cool and logic to catch up.
3 Ways to Help Your Child Regulate Their Emotions
It’s not uncommon for a child with ADHD to seem quite calm almost right up until the moment he melts down. When this happens, he isn’t having a sudden mood swing; instead, feelings that he’s been storing inside for hours or even days are finally erupting to the surface. It’s important to avoid responding with shock or criticism when this occurs. If your child is made to feel ashamed of his feelings, he’ll respond by trying even harder to repress them—and his explosions will get worse.
1. Understanding and Managing Triggers
The best way to help your child deal with his low stress tolerance is to familiarize yourself with his triggers. If your child usually has an outburst when you try to make him do his homework, for example, it’s probable that frustration over his academic shortcomings is bubbling up. Helping him work through his feelings of insecurity and guiding him throughout the homework process (i.e., giving him assistance when it comes to staying organized and on track) may defuse these tantrums. Furthermore, you should work closely with your child to help him devise and implement positive solutions to the problems caused by his learning challenges.
2. Identifying Early Warning Signs
You should also learn to look for subtle signs that your child is getting upset. Some kids with ADHD fidget more than usual when they are getting agitated, tease other children around them in order to release tension, etc. If you can recognize these “tells,” you’ll have a chance to take your child aside and talk him through his feelings before he blows up.
3. Implementing the 'Find and Replace' Method
As a final note, many parents discover that the “find and replace” method works well for derailing tantrums. When your child starts acting out, help him identify the emotion he is feeling. Tell him you understand and sympathize with his feelings, then replace his negative viewpoint with a positive one. If your child is upset about the fact that he has to stop playing a game and go to bed, for example, remind him that getting a good night’s sleep will ensure that he has enough energy to play again tomorrow.
Identifying the Hidden Anxiety in Kids with ADHD
Because many children with ADHD appear to be very “unfiltered,” it’s easy to overlook the anxiety they typically experience. In reality, however, the same lack of filters that makes these kids seem short-tempered also makes them highly sensitive. As such, they often experience deep fears of failure and rejection. These fears are heightened by the knowledge that they’re different from their peers. If left unchecked, the anxiety experienced by kids with ADHD can cause them to “shut down.” They may stop trying as hard at school in order to limit the sting of failure and they sometimes become socially isolated.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is a common emotional impairment seen in many children with ADHD. RSD causes immense emotional pain and sadness when a child feels rejected or criticized - even slightly so. The emotional reaction tends to be much more severe than the situation calls for. RSD can negatively impact a child's motivation, self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental health.
Dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in Children with ADHD
Signs of RSD may include:
- Withdrawal from Others
- Intense Crying or Anger
- Avoiding New Things
- Deep Emotional Pain
If you notice symptoms of RSD in your ADHD child, there are a few supportive strategies to help them manage these painful emotions:
Validate their Feelings
Let your child know that you understand how deeply painful RSD emotions feel to them. Offer comfort and let them safely express their feelings without judgment.
Reframe Situations
Gently help your child reframe situations to see alternate interpretations.
Build Confidence
Boost their self-assurance with consistent praise for effort, not outcomes.
Role Play
Run through potential rejection scenarios and discuss constructive responses.
Consider Therapy
RSD can benefit greatly from cognitive behavioral therapy tailored to ADHD emotional regulation struggles. Finding an understanding therapist provides ongoing support.
While intense RSD emotions create great distress for both children with ADHD and their caregivers, utilizing compassionate strategies that validate, reframe, encourage, prepare, and professionally support can transform the ADHD experience for the better.
Emotional Self-Regulation Techniques for Children with ADHD
When you think your child isn’t putting enough effort into something—whether it’s a school project or a peer event—you shouldn’t rush to assume that he’s being lazy. Instead, you should take a closer look at whether or not anxiety is driving your child’s lack of initiative. Remember that most young children inherently want to do well. They want to please the adults in their lives and be liked by their classmates. If your child is shying away from trying to achieve these objectives, he probably needs gentle encouragement—not “tough love.”
Try asking your child a series of open-ended questions when he appears hesitant. Doing so might help him to identify, discuss, and process his worries. From there, you can work with him to develop solutions to the challenges he’s facing. If this approach doesn’t work, it’s a good idea to seek outside aid from a trained mental health professional. The sooner anxiety is addressed, the more effectively it can be treated.
Parents should be aware that some children become very good at masking the outward symptoms of their anxiety. As such, you should watch for subtle clues that your child is experiencing an excessive level of worry. Chronic insomnia, nightmares, changes in appetite, and social withdrawal can all be signs that a child is experiencing chronic anxiety.
Implementing Emotional Self-Regulation Strategies At Home
Beyond offering parental support, implementing emotional self-regulation strategies at home provides ADHD children with the coping skills needed to better control their emotions independently. Useful self-regulation strategies for home use include:
Quiet Spaces - Designate a relaxing corner or room your child can retreat to when emotions feel overwhelming. Stock it with calming fidget toys, cozy blankets, headphones with soothing music, lavender aromatherapy, and positive affirmation cards.
Feelings Charts - Create visual feelings charts with cartoon emotions rated 1-5. Encourage your child to point to circle the face matching how upset they feel in heated moments. Praise any attempt to self evaluate.
Countdowns - When emotions intensify, coach your child to slowly count down from 10, take deep yoga breaths, relax their body, and visualize their “happy place” before reacting. Role play to practice.
Executive Function Aids - Use digital timers, calendars, to do lists, and other organizational aids to provide external support for executive functioning deficits that can heighten emotionality. Prevent feeling overwhelmed.
Social Stories - Read picture books or create personalized stories depicting challenging situations and ideal responses. Refer back to the empowering narratives in real life.
Reward Systems - Positively reinforce self-regulation successes with reward charts, special privileges, verbal praise, high fives, and other incentives that motivate. Progress takes diligent practice.
Providing ADHD kids with both empathy and emotional intelligence skill building at home trains them to eventually self manage frustrations. Have patience - it takes time for new coping methods to become ingrained habits and automatic responses, but consistency pays off.
Fostering Emotional Control in ADHD: Boosting Your Child's Self-Esteem
The academic and interpersonal challenges kids with ADHD face on a daily basis can take a toll on their self-esteem. The preteen and teen years are often particularly difficult for ADHD sufferers in this area. As is the case with most kids, puberty brings about changes in their brains that incite a desperate desire to fit in. This makes their natural social deficits much more apparent to them and, as a result, they become more susceptible to peer pressure. It’s not uncommon for kids with ADHD to become “class clowns” or daredevils in order to compensate for their lack of communication skills. Conversely, some kids with ADHD become shy and quiet.
Empowering Kids with ADHD: Executive Function and Emotional Independence
While these traits sound fairly harmless, research shows that kids with ADHD are at a higher risk of engaging in substance abuse and other unsafe behaviours. Additionally, girls with ADHD are more likely to develop eating disorders than neurotypical girls. Ergo, working to build up your child’s self-esteem is essential. Doing so will help protect him (or her) from falling into hazardous developmental pitfalls.
The key to identifying low self-esteem lies in listening to how your child talks about himself. All children can be self-critical at times, but if your child’s “self talk” seems relentlessly negative, he’s probably suffering from low self-esteem. Children with a poor self image also struggle to develop a cohesive sense of identity. They may not be able to name their personality traits and they often have a hard time making decisions on their own.
Treating extremely low self-esteem often requires professional aid from a trained therapist. However, there’s a lot parents can do at home to support their child and build his confidence. Working to turn negative self talk around (by countering negative observations with positive ones) and offering praise freely at home can do a lot to change your child’s attitude.
One thing you should not do is over-protect your child. Though it can be tempting to try to shelter a child with low self-esteem from anything that might hurt him, this approach does not allow the child in question to self-actualize. Your child needs to be allowed to make his own choices (so long as he’s not putting himself in danger of serious physical harm, of course). Only by doing so can he learn to trust his own judgment and make measured, confident decisions.
ADHD and Emotional Strengths: A New Perspective
Finally, make sure to explain to your child that he has just as many strengths as weaknesses. While this condition can be challenging in many ways, research shows that people with ADHD also have unique gifts. They are more energetic and creative than average, for example. However, they also experience adhd heightened emotions at times
Addressing Deficient Emotional Self-Regulation in ADHD
Almost all children with ADHD need help developing emotional management skills. By teaching kids with ADHD how to empathize more readily with others, how to manage stress better, and how to “slow down” before responding, we can greatly improve both their social and emotional lives. This process is often a slow one, but the rewards are well worth it.
Navigating emotions in children with ADHD can certainly be challenging, but through understanding, patience and evidence-based strategies, the emotional landscape can dramatically improve. While ADHD presents added struggles with self-regulation, anxiety, sensitivity to rejection, and impulsivity, parents should focus first on validation and encouragement to build confidence from within. External lifestyle structures and home coping techniques further empower ADHD children to manage emotions. By teaching emotional intelligence as an integral, lifelong skill, children learn to see their ADHD as an aspect of uniqueness, not deficiency. There are always paths to resilience, and with compassionate support, children can gain control of their emotions rather than letting their emotions control them.
References:
Yue X, Liu L, Chen W, Preece DA, Liu Q, Li H, Wang Y, Qian Q. Affective-cognitive-behavioral heterogeneity of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Emotional dysregulation as a sentinel symptom differentiating "ADHD-simplex" and "ADHD-complex" syndromes? Journal of Affective Disorders - June 2022.
