Having your child sometimes wake up and cry out in fear, or come running into your room desperate for you to protect him from a "monster" is a troubling yet relatively common experience. Though basic parental support and comfort (i.e. the offering of physical affection and assurances of safety), is often enough to allay a child's fears temporarily and return him to a sound sleep, sometimes nightmares can become worryingly persistent, forcing parents to research additional coping strategies.
If your child is dealing with either frequent random nightmares or a single recurring bad dream which he cannot seem to shake, try the recommendations below; though there is no foolproof way to prevent nightmares, with understanding and parent-child communication, they can be dealt with more smoothly. Learning how to handle nightmares effectively can also become an empowering experience for your child, one which leaves him feeling more in control of his own mind and body.
Understanding Nightmares In Children
Children have both bad dreams (dreams they remember upon waking in the morning) and nightmares (dreams which wake them from a sound sleep) often as a matter of course; why this is the case is not yet fully understood, but it may have to do with the fact that the brains of children are in a state of rapid development and therefore processing a vast wealth of information. According to a recent study conducted in the Maastricht University, approximately 67 percent of children between the ages of four and six reported experiencing frightening dreams “sometimes” or “often”; this figure rises to 96 percent in children between the ages of seven and nine, then falls to 76 percent during the preteen years.
This is not to suggest that all childhood dreams are negative, however; most of the dreams children have are pleasant or neutral in nature, with bad dreams occurring only about 27 percent of the time. These bad dreams are also usually fairly simple in nature and therefore easy to troubleshoot; the Netherlands study revealed that most children dream about ghosts, monsters, the threat of harm to themselves or their loved ones, or intimidating animals. Children over the age of six may also have dreams about being kidnapped.
Regardless of which age group a child falls into, his dreams are likely to be influenced by information he's encountered during waking life: Fully 70 percent of children reported that the topics of their nightmares reflected something they had heard during the day, such as a news story about terror attack or an act of violence, while just 15 percent had bad dreams based on actual experiences.
The Link Between Nightmares And Anxiety
As common as bad dreams in children are, it's important not to discount their relevance; multiple studies have shown there is a strong link between frightening dreams and daytime stress and anxiety. Not only can parents sometimes learn about real issues which are scaring their children by paying attention to what they say about their dreams (e.g. worries about kidnapping), excessive bad dreams may indicate that a child is struggling with an unusual level of anxiety. If this is the case, the root of that anxiety should be explored; your child may have had a bad experience he is hesitant to talk about or be dealing with chronic stress (for instance, he may be being bullied at school).
Helping Your Child Cope With Bad Dreams
In addition to investigating any possible sources of unusual stress in your child's day-to-day life, to help him overcome chronic or recurrent nightmares, you should:
- - Establish a soothing bedtime routine and adhere to it each night. Research has revealed that sleep-deprived children are more prone to nightmares, which can quickly turn into a harmful cycle: The more nightmares a child has, the more he will likely resist going to bed. To prevent this from happening, develop a soothing bedtime routine: Remove your child from all sources of media (the television, phone, computer, etc.) at least one hour prior to bedtime and engage in a positive, lulling activity with him, such as reading a bedtime story together.
- - Teach your child relaxation strategies. If your child is apprehensive about going to bed, try teaching him to relax via deep breathing exercises (counting may help your child focus on his breathing), positive visualization, and muscle relaxation. If your child is too young to process such strategies, try alternate means of inducing a similarly tranquil state, such as having your child take a warm bath before bedtime and then sit with you and list fun plans and things to look forward to before going to sleep.
- - Provide comfort objects. Many children appreciate having a safety net of some kind, such as a flashlight within reach of the bed, a nightlight, dream catcher (or other “magical” object), or “monster spray”. Additionally, you should provide your child with a stuffed animal; depending on your child's nature, he may either wish to protect the stuffed animal or be protected by it, and research suggests both of these approaches tend to be effective at reducing nighttime fear and anxiety.
- - Educate your child about dreams. While adults tend to understand dreams for what they are—conjurations of the mind which are often devoid of significant meaning—children frequently attach magical qualities to dreams which make them feel more frightening (for example, a child may believe dreams to be prophetic in nature). You should therefore explain to your child that dreams are just harmless thoughts and that dreaming is no more “real” than what your child imagines during playtime. If your child is hesitant to accept this idea, have him try to “imagine” something implausible into happening; when it never occurs, he will begin to understand that thoughts are powerless over physical reality.
- - Combat recurrent nightmares by helping your child change their narrative. Simply telling your child that his recurrent, terrifying nightmare is “not real” is often unhelpful and invalidating. Instead, empower him by asking him to close his eyes and vividly imagine the storyline in his nightmare changing; for example, have him imagine that he gains magical powers and turns the terrifying monster into a tiny mouse or banishes it to another dimension. If your child enjoys drawing, encourage him to sketch out this new story to help cement these happier images in his mind. Children who triumph over nightmares in this way often go on to be less frightened of bad dreams in the future as they feel a level of control over them.
